GROWING UP...

“Just because you did something wrong in the past doesn’t mean you can’t advocate against it now. It doesn’t make you a hypocrite, you grew. Don’t let people use your past to invalidate your current mindset.

Growth; a concept. Embrace it.” - @prinzgbemi

I saw this on twitter recently and I could relate.  Alongside reading other people’s blog, lately I have been reading some of my old blog posts and I realized just how much I have grown. It was easy back then for me to write posts about life issues and have strong opinions about so many things.

I hadn’t lived then, I was in the comfort of my home judging based on logic what should be and what shouldn’t be. How to deal with stuff or process feelings and what not. What did I even know? It was easy seeing life as black and white and having common sense right answers/solutions to them. But truth is, life as I have come to know it is not black and white.

To a large extent I have grown and well, like most persons I needed hard stuff to happen to me first before I could learn empathy. I’m still working on being a better version of myself, I mean I can still be very difficult/opinionated and impossible at times and straight up annoying too. But I guess we are all humans with our individual flaws.

It’s been interesting reading my old blog posts. It’s like I have documented a timeline of my life phases. Reading from the very start (2012) and seeing how my outlook on life has been changing is really something. It makes me feel fulfilled that truly, I am on the path of finding who I am and actually working towards that idea of what I want my life to be.

Reading some posts brings smiles to my face as I remember the person I wrote about or the particular phase of my life. Some posts make me feel sad, reminds me of some things that are still plaguing me till date while others make me shake my head and realise how much those issues seemed like a big deal then but now they are distant memories.

Some of the posts really had me laughing especially the ones about my NYSC days and the funny stuff that just kept happening and well, makes me long for those seemingly carefree days now. To think I wanted to be done with that phase of life and start working, be the adult and live life on my terms. *sigh. If only I knew…

Still though, I’m glad I am through with that phase and most importantly done with job hunting phase. I think that job hunting phase has got to be one of the worst phases of my life. I may not exactly be where I want in terms of living on my terms but I think I’m still on track.  Reading my blog posts, I realised I was actually losing focus of this till 2016 when I had a reawakening and I knew I had to do something about it, else life was going to pass me by while I barely existed.

I made a conscious effort to live, to explore and travel. To do that which was dear to me and has always been a part of me.

One by one, I have ticked off things from my bucket list and with each tick I feel good about it ‘cus these things are more than posting dope pictures on the gram. All these things are being done for me. Most times, travel serves as escape from my reality. It helps keep me sane when it feels like my world is imploding and I feel like I’m drowning, fighting so hard to survive and get ashore so I can breathe. When everything feels grey and I feel like life is really overwhelming, just one trip and I feel alive again.

Photography comes as a bonus with my travels. I have a deep passion for photography and I still hope that someday I will be able to attend an extended course in photography but for now I think I need more of travels to keep me sound and feeling alive.

Talking about travels, I’m glad July is over. I plan on chilling through August while I wait patiently for September ‘cus annual leave yo! Yea I know... After all my travels this year I still have full annual leave?  Hehehe... I get that a lot from my colleagues at work. Thanks to travel blogs I have read, I got the tip about planning travels around public holidays and we all know how we have quite a lot of that in Nigeria.

The plan to chill through August is centred mostly around music. I’m still stuck on the new Daughtry Album while I anticipate more album releases next month. Some albums I’m looking forward to include Kodaline (August 10^th), Jason Mraz (August 10^th), Death Cab for Cutie (August 17), Troye Sivan (Bloom) and Bastille.

So growth eh? One aspect of my life I’m consciously working on is how to stay calm and not feel a thing.  Remember that post about stuff spoiling around me? Then it got to a stage where I began to feel overwhelmed?

I’m learning this thing where I don’t let stuff stress me anymore. When stuff happens, I say it’s just money needed to fix it…then I move on, no stress or worries. Like Uche tweeted recently (well he now prefers being called Paul ever since he went to the abroad) – ‘I don’t know how to be upset for long anymore. I’m always like, ‘okay it has happened, next.’ No time crying over spilled milk” - @scultator

Aside this, I’m also trying to master separating various aspects of my life. Learning how to carry on and be functional even if stuff isn’t working well on one hand; say maybe at work or professional exams results come out disappointing or family issues.

Before, when something happens I allow it ruin every other aspect of my life and get me down but now I try to ignore that down part and forge on being happy and thankful for the other aspects of life that things are going on fine. Ignoring the bad and focusing on the good, hoping that soon enough all the lines shall fall in pleasant places.

“It takes a lot of strength to be able to keep all the different parts of your life separated, not letting an issue on one part affect another.” - @terhso

Watching myself learn about life and grow into a better man is quite something. Even though it’s a long road but it’s all worth it.