THE MARRIAGE ISSUE

My colleagues are all married. They have one common mission- to get me to walk down the aisle soonest!

One good day, I sat in front of my second line supervisor. I was expecting us to go straight to discussing the document I needed him to approve but I got asked a question I wasn't expecting. 'Bros, when are you getting married?'

I didn't see that question coming. I just looked at him, totally blank. At the end, I did get about thirty minutes of marriage lecture before we discussed business. Truth is, the whole plans for marriage is not in my head at all (for now though).  I won't make the mistake of saying I am trying to figure out things or I am sorting my issues before Idemudia would comment and say ever since he knew me I have been sorting my issues out, lol.

“If I get married, I want to be very married” – Audrey Hepburn

I remember when I was still in training school (2013), one of the facilitators then told us to think about where we would be in five years. Honestly it was after I had finished making the plans it hit me that I didn't even consider marriage.

Really how does one know the right time to get married? Is it because they have attained a certain age? 'Cus they fall in love? Meet the right one and know it's time or follow society's timetable that when you are done with university and NYSC, gotten a good job, you ought to get married?

Now getting a good job isn't even important o! I have heard more than two people say once you are of age just get married even if you are earning 20k. Just marry and start...hian!

Afe once updated this on bbm 'after salvation, marriage is the most important thing'...when I read it, something in me got so ticked off! I mean what the heck?? Is marriage really all that important? That's the idea society has put in people's head especially the female folks that marriage is the height of their accomplishment/success.

I had to ping him immediately. He tried to argue but I just wasn't taking any of it. Save to say I cut what would have been an endless argument with the perfect punchline...I asked him if he can name any world leader or well know achiever who has been famed or has impacted the world positively because they had a successful marriage. He went quiet and was like nice one. That ended it all.

Marriage is good yes, I mean no one wants to be alone and in the words of O'nelly, the curiosity of knowing what your kids would look like is one reason to get married and have kids. But for me sha, if marriage doesn't happen, okay, but I'd be more bummed if I don't have kids.

That's how I was talking with my colleague recently. He was telling the new guy that I'd be getting married this year. I laughed and said marriage isn't even in my five year plan but kids are. The new guy was shocked but my colleague (he knows me well enough now) laughed and said he wasn't surprised, that my thinking is always upside down.

I used to read about single people saying how their married friends always want to match make their single friends up. Well that's what I am enduring in the office. All my married colleagues are all looking for a wife for me! Na wa! I remember when I got transferred to Benin, the first thing I noticed was almost all the staff here are married. So different from Lagos where almost everyone is career focused and the married ones are in the minority.

Truth is, I have so much to achieve before marriage. I don't even feel any urgency or pressure that I am getting old though my supervisor did give me good reasons why getting married early is good. Especially the one about not ending up going for school run when I am 60yrs old Instead of having grandkids at that age. That point got to me.

But this marriage thingy tho! So complicated. Like what if I get tired of the person? Cus me I know I have some kinda serious issues. Pushing people away for one comes naturally.

I won't pretend I am a robot or anything of sorts, I do crave companionship, having that one special person I can share my day's experiences with but marriage? That's another level on its own. I want that seemingly almost perfect relationship and true love and great companionship. I need it this time of my life, but not marriage for now.

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” - When Harry Met Sally

People who have been married for a long time, after many years, I wonder if they are still in love or just existing in the marriage because that's the moral thing to do. They live without that excitement; all they do is just wake up, eat, cater to kids and issues that come up, sleep, wake next day and continue the routine. No excitement, no adventure, all dull and boring.

“Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative” – Unknown

Don't get me wrong, I like all the mushy feelings at times. Key words - 'at times'. After getting married, would I be allowed to take a break when all I want is to be alone? Be on my own doing my own thing and barely saying a word to anyone? Enjoying my quiet company

When I am in the “I don't want to feel a thing mood?” When the whole two hearts is one ish feels absurd to me? What then happens to my wife?

Maybe I don't get people, maybe I am odd/weird (I know I am weird, that’s a fact) but in a cool way. People love me but well, I just don't know how to stay long with someone. Then marriage? Compromising on many things et all, learning patience all over…grrrrhhh…

One thing I am sure of is that I want kids. Those little feet, tiny hands and cute white eyes. Holding then so close, feeling the love and all...I want all that and hearing those tiny voices call me daddy.

Maybe I should pay for a surrogate to carry my kids. ‘Cus this whole marriage thingy don't seem I am cut of for it.

Recently I got furniture moved into my apartment. When the guys were done with the arrangement my Mum said – ‘now everything is set, remaining for you to marry’. I just did as if I didn't hear a word she said and slipped out of the room in peace :D

My dad hasn't really said anything serious about it. But it's my mum that has mentioned it several times. The place I get most heat from is the office. Those people nor go let person hear word. Like marriage is the ultimate achievement in life *sigh

What if you are not the marriage type? Do you have to conform?

They really should cut me some slack. They have lived their lives the way they chose to, can I be allowed to make my own decisions and live life just as I see it fit? Marriage isn't something you cajole or rush someone into. Everything must be set and my heart should feel 100% into the idea. No rush, 'cus once in, I don't plan on getting out.

“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are” – Will Ferrell.

Well, I would probably read this post in a few years and be amazed how my school of thought/or desire has changed. I mean, when I was in secondary school I did say I would get married at 24/25 years. Right now, the way it is going, seems the marriage thingy is gonna be Vision 2020 things.

There are people who know how to handle it all at once, school, relationships, career and all that life ish. I have always been the guy to take it one at a time. I’m done with School, NYSC, working now though still trying to set a firm path as per where my career is heading and that’s top most priority for me. After getting that set, next I believe is starting a family. For me it’s one step at a time, not necessarily because I am waiting for the right time or right person.

After all, “the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henry Youngman

Marriage nor be beans

Well, what do I know? ...I am but just a kid??