CLOSURE

I may have walked away 

I may have been the one that left 

The one that put an end to us 

Because I wasn't ready to go the mile 

I didn't want to feel 

I wasn't ready to handle our issues 

Or deal with the work we both had to do to make us right 

I was too lazy to meet you half of the way 

Or did I feel like I was the only one trying? 

I chose the easy way out 

But now I long for just one more moment with you

Why is that? 

Because for me; 

There's no moving on and starting over without closure

You used to love me

You used to love me

You used to want me

So much I did mean to you

But now...

I can't tell what I mean to you

I remember when you said I still mean a lot to u

I try hard to hold on to that

But I fear it ain't so anymore

I feel like screaming: 'Don't walk away from me'

But lo, the words won't come out

All I can do is watch you leave without a word

My heart shatters each time I realise you are slipping away

Moving farther away from my reach

How did we get here?

Did I do this?

Did I seem to make you think I have moved on?

Did I do this to us?

Look what my pride has caused

You never hid it that you loved me

But I just couldn't let you know I loved you a little more

I just had to be in charge

Couldn't let you know you had such power over me

I held on too much to my pride

All I've got now is just me, my pride and all the memories I have of u

But the most important of all I have lost: you

I long for your attention once more

You look my way but you don't see me

I have become invincible 

Once upon a time I was showered by grace

Feeling blessed to have you in my life

You used to love me

But that was then and this is Nơw...

I DON’T WANT TO FEEL

#np: out of reach by Matthew Perryman Jones

This feeling I feel I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to want you. I don’t want to need you this much. It hurts thinking of holding you each night as I fall asleep. When I wake you are the first thing on my mind.

I don’t want to ponder so much on thoughts of you. I don’t want to get so attached to someone I can’t hold. I want to know what you smell of, to drive my fingers through your hair, to see the light shine in those eyes. I want to look deep into your eyes, get lost in them, drowning; lost in you. I want more than just thoughts of you. I want more than this haze I see around me. I want the real you. But all I have is this feeling and no you.

This feeling I feel hurts so much. I don’t want to get consumed by this smoldering craving for you. I don’t want to love you this much, at least not yet. They say in every relationship one always loves more. This seems to be my lot.

So I leave with you watching me slip away, fading into the dark. Each day I die a little. My strength diminishes each time I force myself to hold back. I dread each beep of my phone; half wishing it’s you, that’s my heart. And also half wishing it’s not you, that’s my head.

This feeling is killing me. It’s hurting me so much. I tell myself it’s just for a while. Soon I’ll be over it; but for now this is my hell. I go away because I don’t want to come across to you as a crazy and unstable person. Maybe if you were close by, just maybe if you were here this love would have been so much easier.

But for now, I don’t want to feel. This feeling is crushing me; taking me deep into depths of despair…

I am sinking so low. I feel empty. I can’t call for help as I plunge into a hollow pit. I see your face each time. Everything reminds me of you. Each smile that cuts across my lips wishes your eyes could behold them.

So much I want to share with you. So much I want to build with you. So much I feel for you. So much I try not to desire for you, for us. This feeling I feel has taken a hold of me. I don’t want it to fade away; I don’t want to lose you.

But this feeling I feel…right now I don’t want to feel because its slowly destroying me….this feeling I feel is taking me to a place far from your reach, far from where you can ever save me.

So for now, I don’t want to feel…