'Life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago' - Switchfoot (twenty four).
Few months ago I felt low. I kept telling myself - 'this isn't where I ought to be'. I was surrounded by everything I felt I didn't need. There was a change in the kind of persons I normally communicate with. I had time on my hands. I slept, ate, listened to music, wrote, watched movies, series and read books, novels and newspapers. I even had time to watch television! I added 10kg! Me add weight? That's top news of the year.
Over four months gone and I feel like a whirlwind has transported me to another planet.
'Becareful what you wish for, 'cuz you just might get it all and some you don't want' - Daughtry (Home). I finally got my wish for a change. I longed for purpose, for an opportunity to better myself and put my skills to work. I needed to feel useful. I got my wish and I dare say it came along with somethings I didn't want.
These past few days; twenty four hours seem like just ten hours. It's that bad that I can't even take time out to listen to my playlist. Even a close friend had to ping me on blackberry messenger and tease me that she doesn't see my status messages and display picture updates anymore. It feels like someone else is living my life. I never understood what people meant by the phrase 'life on a fast lane.' That's my reality now. Scary when I remember the lyrics 'living in a fast lane? See when you crash' - Beyonce (Schooling life).
It's funny how we make plans about how our life will be, but then nature/life/fate has a way of making a mockery of our plans. Sort of like no one can ever have it all. You either choose one and forego the other. These past few months have really been crazy, such that I have only Sundays free. During the week I am cut off from the world for the most part of each day. Then the scary thought comes, 'have I chosen career over love?' I tell myself there is time for everything, that this is what I want and where I need to be in order to arrive at the big picture.
I remember how I was so focused on my studies in the University. Everyone complained I didn't have a life. I said all that could wait, that during my service year I'll build a social life. Then service came, and I said after service; I needed to focus on my professional examinations. Now after service, still I barely have a social life!
In fact, I am that place where it feels like I can barely breathe, where every second counts. The fear of failure is now a motivation for success. 'Feels like I am trying to breathe under water' - Kris Allen (I need to know).
Balance, how do I balance my life?
In all, looking at where I was and where I am now, I would pick where I am a hundred times over where I was. I am grateful for where I am now. All I need now is to try and balance things. Who I am, who I am not and who I want to be...
It's amazing how time passes by. Each time I see secondary school students in their uniforms, I get amazed at how far God has brought me through life. How I have grown from being that little kid with no care in the world to that confused teenager trying to find out who he really was to that undergraduate who strived to graduate with a good result. Now I am that young adult trying to build a career and make sense out of this thing called life. *sigh
In all honesty, I am not sure I am ready to be an adult. Being a kid/teenager was so much safer. Now I have to take full responsibility for every action. This is me, I mean lil me in this big world. *shivers
Before I hated changed but I got the opportunity to read the book 'who moved my cheese' by Spencer Johnson and I had a paradigm shift, so to say. The easiest way to live and succeed in life is to anticipate, accept and move with change.
Truly, life is in phases. I am in a new phase of my life, hopefully the picture shall get clearer with time and things shall fall into place one step at a time...
