My colleagues are all
married. They have one common mission- to get me to walk down the aisle
soonest!
One good day, I sat
in front of my second line supervisor. I was expecting us to go straight to
discussing the document I needed him to approve but I got asked a question I
wasn't expecting. 'Bros, when are you getting married?'
I didn't see that
question coming. I just looked at him, totally blank. At the end, I did get
about thirty minutes of marriage lecture before we discussed business. Truth
is, the whole plans for marriage is not in my head at all (for now though). I won't make the mistake of saying I am
trying to figure out things or I am sorting my issues before Idemudia would
comment and say ever since he knew me I have been sorting my issues out, lol.
“If I get married, I want to be very married” – Audrey
Hepburn
I remember when I was
still in training school (2013), one of the facilitators then told us to think
about where we would be in five years. Honestly it was after I had finished
making the plans it hit me that I didn't even consider marriage.
Really how does one
know the right time to get married? Is it because they have attained a certain
age? 'Cus they fall in love? Meet the right one and know it's time or follow
society's timetable that when you are done with university and NYSC, gotten a
good job, you ought to get married?
Now getting a good
job isn't even important o! I have heard more than two people say once you are
of age just get married even if you are earning 20k. Just marry and
start...hian!
Afe once updated this
on bbm 'after salvation, marriage is the most important thing'...when I read
it, something in me got so ticked off! I mean what the heck?? Is marriage
really all that important? That's the idea society has put in people's head
especially the female folks that marriage is the height of their
accomplishment/success.
I had to ping him
immediately. He tried to argue but I just wasn't taking any of it. Save to say
I cut what would have been an endless argument with the perfect punchline...I
asked him if he can name any world leader or well know achiever who has been
famed or has impacted the world positively because they had a successful
marriage. He went quiet and was like nice one. That ended it all.
Marriage is good yes,
I mean no one wants to be alone and in the words of O'nelly, the curiosity of
knowing what your kids would look like is one reason to get married and have
kids. But for me sha, if marriage doesn't happen, okay, but I'd be more bummed
if I don't have kids.
That's how I was
talking with my colleague recently. He was telling the new guy that I'd be
getting married this year. I laughed and said marriage isn't even in my five
year plan but kids are. The new guy was shocked but my colleague (he knows me
well enough now) laughed and said he wasn't surprised, that my thinking is
always upside down.
I used to read about
single people saying how their married friends always want to match make their
single friends up. Well that's what I am enduring in the office. All my married
colleagues are all looking for a wife for me! Na wa! I remember when I got
transferred to Benin, the first thing I noticed was almost all the staff here
are married. So different from Lagos where almost everyone is career focused
and the married ones are in the minority.
Truth is, I have so
much to achieve before marriage. I don't even feel any urgency or
pressure that I am getting old though my supervisor did give me good reasons why
getting married early is good. Especially the one about not ending up going for
school run when I am 60yrs old Instead of having grandkids at that age. That point
got to me.
But this marriage
thingy tho! So complicated. Like what if I get tired of the person? Cus me I
know I have some kinda serious issues. Pushing people away for one comes
naturally.
I won't pretend I am
a robot or anything of sorts, I do crave companionship, having that one special
person I can share my day's experiences with but marriage? That's another level
on its own. I want that seemingly almost perfect relationship and true love and
great companionship. I need it this time of my life, but not marriage for now.
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life
with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” -
When Harry Met Sally
People who have been
married for a long time, after many years, I wonder if they are still in love or just existing
in the marriage because that's the moral thing to do. They live without that
excitement; all they do is just wake up, eat, cater to kids and issues that come
up, sleep, wake next day and continue the routine. No excitement, no adventure,
all dull and boring.
“Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a
relative” – Unknown
Don't get me wrong, I
like all the mushy feelings at times. Key words - 'at times'. After getting
married, would I be allowed to take a break when all I want is to be alone? Be on
my own doing my own thing and barely saying a word to anyone? Enjoying my quiet
company
When I am in the “I
don't want to feel a thing mood?” When the whole two hearts is one ish feels
absurd to me? What then happens to my wife?
Maybe I don't get
people, maybe I am odd/weird (I know I am weird, that’s a fact) but in a cool
way. People love me but well, I just don't know how to stay long with someone.
Then marriage? Compromising on many things et all, learning patience all over…grrrrhhh…
One thing I am sure
of is that I want kids. Those little feet, tiny hands and cute white eyes.
Holding then so close, feeling the love and all...I want all that and hearing
those tiny voices call me daddy.
Recently I got
furniture moved into my apartment. When the guys were done with the arrangement
my Mum said – ‘now everything is set, remaining for you to marry’. I just did as
if I didn't hear a word she said and slipped out of the room in peace :D
My dad hasn't really
said anything serious about it. But it's my mum that has mentioned it several
times. The place I get most heat from is the office. Those people nor go let
person hear word. Like marriage is the ultimate achievement in life *sigh
What if you are not
the marriage type? Do you have to conform?
They really should
cut me some slack. They have lived their lives the way they chose to, can I be
allowed to make my own decisions and live life just as I see it fit? Marriage
isn't something you cajole or rush someone into. Everything must be set and my
heart should feel 100% into the idea. No rush, 'cus once in, I don't plan on
getting out.
“Before you marry a
person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who
they really are” – Will Ferrell.
Well, I would
probably read this post in a few years and be amazed how my school of
thought/or desire has changed. I mean, when I was in secondary school I did say
I would get married at 24/25 years. Right now, the way it is going, seems the
marriage thingy is gonna be Vision 2020 things.
There are people who
know how to handle it all at once, school, relationships, career and all that
life ish. I have always been the guy to take it one at a time. I’m done with
School, NYSC, working now though still trying to set a firm path as per where
my career is heading and that’s top most priority for me. After getting that
set, next I believe is starting a family. For me it’s one step at a time, not
necessarily because I am waiting for the right time or right person.
After all, “the secret of a happy marriage remains a
secret.” – Henry Youngman
Marriage nor be beans
Well, what do I know?
...I am but just a kid??
