6.
BE
YOUR OWN HERO
It’s
good to have someone to talk to, that listening ear to hear you out. Not necessarily
for advice, rather, ‘cuz just letting it out can bring clarity. But then, don’t
make the mistake of leaning so much on that person. Because -
My
style when I’m feeling down or going through serious stuff is to shut the world
out. I deactivate my social media accounts, go offline and just stay within my own
space, pray and listen to music.
I’m
lucky to have close friends I get to chat/talk stuff out with also, and it
really helps but never have I really opened up to someone completely about my
inner pains. Like actually voice out some stuff I have never said to anyone before
or even spoken aloud. I did that this year and it was a terrible mistake.
For
the first time I told someone, I broke down and the person was there (or so I thought). It
felt okay, like I was safe. I thought the person got me. Then I let my guard
down and just leaned completely on this person’s shoulder.
No
one is Jesus Christ. Everyone has their own issues, so really it was unfair
what I did pouring all my luggage. Next thing I heard from a mutual friend was
that I was described as being needy. Mehn that shit hurt!
Oh
well… Anyway, lesson learnt. Never again would that happen. I’ll continue to be
my own hero and learn to process my stuff my own way.
It
is okay to talk to someone but please give them breathing space also. They
too have their own issues, even that your pastor, he was first human before he
became a pastor and even after being called, he is still human and has his own
issues.
Please
let us learn to be our own heroes. No one really likes a needy person. The only
one I know who is never tired of us pouring our frustration on him is Jesus
Christ.
7.
AGE
IS NOT A NUMBER
Another December 14 has passed. I think I should give up trying to hide my
birthday ‘cus no matter how hard I try to, people always remember…
For
the very first time, my age actually bothered me. Normally I complain that I’m
getting old and all, but it’s usually just bants.
This
time it was for real. I wasn’t happy at all. Why? I didn’t feel complete. A kid
was missing from the picture, but still, I know I’m not yet ready for that
responsibility as there are stuff I need to put in place first.
I
feel like I need more time to explore, figure things out, see the world and
satisfy my curiosity before finally settling down to start a family. I don’t want
to be 60years old and still doing school run, neither do I want to be 60 years
old and feel like I didn’t live enough or see the world or explore/open myself
to things.
At
work that day (December 14th), my branch Manager came to my desk and
was going on about with the birthday wishes…I started complaining and saying I
wasn’t feeling excited and maybe I
shouldn’t have even come to work.
He
said I should be happy that don’t I know some people that would have been
celebrating their birthday same day are in the grave? Then I said, they are in
a better place, after all that’s what people say when someone dies.
He
was stunned. Totally speechless. He didn’t have another word for me. He gave me
that look he gives each time I say something outrageous/ridiculous but I know
this one topped it all.
Don’t
get me wrong, I’m grateful to be alive but then I’m stepping into this serious phase
of life, one I don’t think I’m ready for.
30 years
maybe this close but I think I still have time to do stuff on my bucket list
and keep the memories for myself. What I need now is to just focus and work
towards living the life I have always pictured.
When
Ose came to my place some weeks back, he saw the glowing stars I put on my wallpaper.
He was like, you have started bringing your fantasies to reality. What he said made
me feel like I was on track as regards living my dreams.
I’m
no more just dreaming or writing about my thoughts on how I want my life to be
but this is me actually doing them for real. Yes, there are one or two major
steps I’m yet to take, majorly because even the thought of it freaks me out but
I know it’s time to face it. Just go for it and carry on from there…
8.
LIFE
IS NOT WHITE AND BLACK
There
are some things I used to feel so strongly about or borderline sure that I
wasn’t capable of doing. Things like falling in love with a married woman, or
cheating, divorce, fraud, betrayal. Mostly those stuff that has to do with
morality.
I was so opinionated about having to do
the right thing that I most times tended to be harsh on my friends, those I
felt were doing stuff that I considered morally unacceptable.
Sometimes you need to be in certain
situations before you can actually appreciate what people are going through.
This year I learnt that life isn’t black and white. There are no hard and fast
rules.
I
fell in love with someone who is married. At first I was in denial about my
feelings because I felt it just couldn’t be. This was the very thing I stood
against, but as the days went by, the feelings grew stronger. I got to a point
where I began questioning everything I stood for. Should I indulge and lower my
moral standards?
As
I have come to realize, life isn’t black and white. Having the feelings wasn’t
the crime but acting on it was. So I did what I know my conscience would allow
me live with…I walked away.
I
don’t judge anyone or have opinions about anything anymore. I’m just here
living life with the mind-set that anyone could find themselves in whatever
situation at any time. When we get to that bridge…we’ll cross it and sort it
out accordingly as the situation presents itself. No hard and fast rules to
life.
9.
GOD
ALWAYS GIVES ME BETTER
I
was discussing with someone recently, he was giving me props for how orderly my
life seemed to be. I stopped him and said not really, that I actually see it as
a problem.
I
have a thing for planning everything. I want to always be in control of every
detail as much as possible in order to have an easy ride through my day’s schedule
(of course I always make room for mishaps as I know full well I don’t own
myself or my time). But to a large extent I tend to plan everything but if it
doesn’t work as planned I have learnt to accept it as it comes and make do.
Planning
too much tends to make me obsess and worry about things working out as planned.
Very unhealthy and also in contrary to God’s word. I have over the years had to
learn patience and also learnt to completely rely on God and know that whatever
happens to me is permitted by Him and as such, no matter how rough that particular
period of my life is, it would always work out for my good. Heck, most times things
come out even much better than I prayed for.
Concerning
work, I have since learned that it is all in His hands. The moment I let go and
stopped trying to meet my targets myself, God has been blowing my mind time and
again.
Towards
the end of each financial year everyone tries to arrange himself. I don’t wait
for December before I start sorting out my figures and that of my team members.
By November I already have a picture of what our closing numbers would be give
or take any major changes.
Before
proceeding on vacation this November, my team’s balance sheet was a far cry
from what we needed. My mind started working overtime on how to overcome the
challenge. A part of me was telling me to calm down and not do anything, just
abandon myself and everything to God and let Him do what he always does. But
the other part of me, the one that plans everything/that loves fixing
situations was pondering, trying to figure out what and what can be done. I
settled for meeting my senior colleague to help out since his team was doing
great. He assured me that by December he will help out. I told myself situation
fixed. All was well again and then I went on leave.
During
my leave my colleague called to say the person I was banking on had lost almost
all his deposit. I kept repeating OMG!
Funny
how I thought I had fixed my problem.
Two
weeks later my colleague called that my team just got a huge deposit which was just
enough for us to close the year on a good note. When she told me, I
screamed and said miracle money!!! This was God coming through for me once
again.
After
the call I got thinking, when would I learn? I’ve seen God work mysteriously as
per my job several times, yet I still doubted and tried to fix it myself. I
told myself that hence forth I won’t make that mistake again. Whatever comes, I‘ll
just let God. Even if I lose my job, I’ll know it’s His plan for me because one
thing I know for sure is He always gives me better. I’m done with the planning,
obsessing and trying to control everything.
10.
IT’S YOUR LIFE NOT THEIRS
You
know how it seems we’ve all got other people’s lives figured out but have no
clue what next to do with ours?
Opinions…everyone
has that. Society has laid out plans for you to live your life, family has
certain expectations for you to meet, your friends need you to act in certain
manner so as not to embarrass them, your colleagues need you to be that machine
so their work load is reduced…. but hey, it’s your life and
not theirs.
“Don’t let nobody tell you your life is over
Be every colour that you are
Into the rush now
You don’t have to know how
Or know it al before you try…- Aly
& Aj (Rush)
Everyone
seems to know exactly just what decisions you should be making. How long would
you have the back seat in your own life? Waiting for people to toss you around
with their unsolicited advice. Don’t you think it’s time you do you and just
live your life the way it pleases you? Damn society and damn everyone with
their idealistic expectation of how you are supposed to live.
Its
time you discovered who you truly are and just roll with that. Your happiness
and sanity is in your hands. No one can
drive you crazy unless you give them the keys.
Life
is too short to waste it trying to please anyone or live up to some people’s standards
who really don’t care about your happiness.
Be with those who bring out
the very best version of who you are, not those who try to mold you into
someone you can’t even recognize in the mirror.
Well,
what do I know? …I am but just a kid
