Oh! I’m in pieces, its tearing me up but I know
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved
Spread your wings as you go
When God takes you back
He’ll say Hallelujah, you’re home…
#np: Supermarket Flowers – Ed Sheeran
KC Bombay, my
amazing buddy. I still can’t believe you are gone.
On the 28th
of February I was going to send you a message on whatsapp, but I stumbled on Dr.
Onyeka’s profile pic first. It was a picture of both of you. Then my eyes fell
on his status message – “Kc… Thank God for your life…Rest well…Say Hi to Dad.”
I was just
settling in at work when I saw it. I screamed, I hit my desk asking no one in
particular what he meant by his status. I read the words but they seemed unreal.
I couldn’t accept it, I didn’t want it to be true. My thoughts racing and my
heart pounding against my chest.
It’s been
three weeks now but it’s all still fresh in my memory, the pain I felt that
day. I was scattered and confused. I dialled
Onyi, he said we lost you…
Kc dearest,
as unreal as his words sounded that day, they still remain so now. Kc…I have
called your name over a thousand times, whether out of the blues or in a
whisper when I remember, but still no answer from you.
You were one
of the few persons who understood my complexities and never complained or made
me feel less. Even when in my usual manner, I tried to push you away, you
stayed patiently and waited till my dark days were over. You’ll tease me that I
get wahala but you never one day made me feel abnormal or less loved. Oh, how
much I will give to hug you one more time, to see you smile and tell you just
how much you mean to me.
The last time
we communicated was on instagram where we discussed some personal ish as we
always do and I ended the chat by praising our bravely. You were young but you
were very brave and ready to weather tough conditions.
I remember in
2013 when we were chatting and you called me out of the blues. I was shocked
because I didn’t expect a call from someone I was chatting with. We talked a
lot about everything and nothing.
I always thought
I was Beyoncé’s number one fan but then I met you and realised my fandom was
still learning. We were supposed to attend one of her tours together and sing
along to every damn song of hers!
I remember
waking up to your message informing me that Bey had released her an entire
album overnight. That was her self-titled album in 2013. I quickly rushed to
download it and we spent the day talking about it and comparing it to her
previous albums. Our second to the last chat was about how she got rubbed at
the last Grammy awards.
I have been
thinking about you, sometimes I blurt out your name all of a sudden because I
still can’t believe you are gone, sometimes just a whisper of your name. Sometimes
I remember bits of our shed memories and I smile, sometimes I want to cry, I
want to call you and talk with you. I want to say come back to me but…
If I begged and if I cried
Would it change the sky tonight?
Would it give me some light?
Should I wait for you to call?
Is there any hope at all?
…..
I try to reach for you
I can almost feel you
You’re nearly here
And then you disappear… (Disappear
– Beyonce)
You always
read my blog and then, you’ll chat me up afterwards. We’ll discuss in details
and with each discuss I saw how brave and wise you were.
I have always
said death brings peace to its victims, but it inflicts pain on those left behind…
This isn’t
right, cus whenever we spoke about life, you were the one always wanting to
live it to the fullest, to hustle and rule this life and make something out of
it. You were pro-life. I was the lazy one, the one who didn’t want to hustle,
who didn’t mind taking the easy way out.
It feels so
unfair that you are gone too soon…
Kc my music
buddy. I remember the day you chatted me that you had finally become a Troye
Sivan fan. I was ecstatic. I had made a Troye fan out of you. That was huge for
me, finally I had another Troye Sivan buddy but now you are gone.
I wonder what
death is like, my colleague said it’s like a long sleep. Do you dream? If yes,
please dream of me. Can you hear and see us here on earth? Of all things I
sincerely wish you can still hear us here, so you can listen to Beyonce’s next
album and I hope you have a front row seat to see her recording each song and
shooting the accompanying videos.
You mean so
much to me and I will always think of you. Someday we shall meet again and you
shall give me that gentle somewhat shy smile again. Same way you did the first
time we met, and I will spread my hands and say come give daddy a hug. This time
I’ll let the hug linger on even much longer.
I keep
looking at your pictures on instagram, running my hands over my phone screen trying
to understand all this, missing you and even loving you more.
And it’s hard
The days just seem so dark
…
Where do I begin?
No words can explain
The way I’m missing you
….
I’m reaching out to you
Can you hear my call?
This hurt that I’ve been through
I’m missing you, missing you like crazy…
(Lay me down – Sam Smith)
I played some
of your voice notes, I heard your voice and I died inside. Your laughter…so
cute and carefree….I will store those audio files and guard them carefully so I
can always have that with me.
I remember
how we used to use song titles of Beyonce to make sentences or use lyrics of
her songs and then we’ll wait to see who can’t recognize the lyrics…
Last Friday we
laid you to rest. On seeing your face on the poster with the caption – ‘Heaven has
gained an angel’ my heart filled up with so much love. I saw your family, they
were all fine and in good health. That gave me peace and joy that they were
doing just fine even though your demise has left a void.
I left there
with my heart bursting with so much love. We have bade you farewell and laid
you to rest, but you’ll forever live on in my heart and I can never forget you.
I miss you
every day Kc.
I love you
like XO
