N.B – This post is majorly about
me lamenting/letting stuff out as my head is literally about to explode!
I’m usually not the superstitious
guy but damn…I’m fast beginning to think something is up with me. Following my
last post where I expressed how overwhelming it began to feel as stuff kept
going wrong and I had to keep spending money fixing them, I thought it had
stopped and I could breathe again…but alas! not so…
Right now, at this very moment,
it doesn’t feel any better. Heck, I am actually scared low key that I have
probably been jinxed. I thought it was just April, but after the crap that just
happened some hours ago, my mind did a little travel down memory lane and I realized
this whole phase actually did start late February when one dude rammed into my
car with full speed causing considerable damage to the vehicle.
I remembering not allowing it
bother me and abandoning the car for a while. I took it as one of those
things, you know, life happens et al. I refused to worry about it or obsess
about where I’ll get funds to fix the car. This was me growing up and not
allowing shit get to me anymore, but then it’s like life has decided to test my
resolve. It’s been one damage after another…the pressure building up, like I’m
being pushed till I eventually break.
I have lost count of the number
of things I have had to fix in a few months but I sure do I know I have spent quite a lot. Is
it the car that initially kept developing faults back to back? Or the time one
of the fuse in my apartment blew? affecting the wiring and I end up almost
burning my bed when the extension wire caught fire? Or the day my rechargeable fan suddenly packed
up or my electronic television stand that went off, or when the wine cellar
fell twice and the parlour was filled with the strong stench of vodka for a
week after losing three full bottles, or the television battery that zapped, or
the aquarium lights that suddenly refused to light up again…
See ehn, at first I took all this
as normal life happenings, part of adulthood where you keep getting those
annoying expenses. But then, the rate at which they are happening in quick
succession since February has got my head spinning 360 degrees right now. I remember the night I was talking with Okeo and I was like,
I’m scared of touching my laptop before that one too would spoil…arrrrrrgh!!
It may seem I’m being dramatic
but seriously it’s getting freaky and annoying all at the same time and also quite devastating on my pocket especially now that I have a lot of funds loaned out and
it seems my ‘trusted’ friends have all held a meeting to not repay my monies as
promised.
I’m going to digress and trash
out this thing that has been bugging me for a while now. One thing I have come to realize for real is that one of the major
problems of adult friendship is money. I’m almost reaching the resolve that
before I lend someone money I would have to weigh what’s more important
to me – the friendship or the money?
See it’s not even about the
money, it could be 5 naira or it could as well be a million naira, but that
breach of trust, the disappointing realization that the person was not worth it,
that feeling when someone you trusted enough to loan your hard end funds
refuses to pay back or they carry on like they never gave you a committed time
frame to pay back or they wait for you to ask first and then they start posting
you endlessly. It becomes so annoying, you begin to regret why you even helped
them out in the first place.
Some things I can overlook, but
being that guy who is very big on trust, this is one fast way to burn the
bridge with me. It sucks when money becomes the reason why you can no longer
trust a friend and they leave a bitter experience with you that it erodes
whatever good memory of friendship you guys once shared.
I work with that principle of not
lending out money I know I can’t dash out but then again, I have realised that
it doesn’t help change the feeling of being betrayed or prevent me from
changing the poor perception I develop about the person. Even when I write off
the debt, mostly for my peace of mind, that friendship never remains the same.
Once the trust is gone, everything is lost. Integrity is almost everything…
Even if you don’t have the money
to repay, courtesy demands the least you can do is inform the person from time
to time and apologise for the delay. And most importantly actually show effort
and will that you are working towards repaying the loan genuinely. I really
don’t get how certain people sleep well at night being awful to people who
cared enough to be nice to them. Really sad.
Anyway back to my woes. I stepped
out of the house this morning about to go to the office. I opened my car door
from the passenger side only to see the window on the driver’s side scattered
all over the car seats. How did this happen? No one knows. Even the person
operating the mower said he didn’t know as he was far from where the car was
parked. That’s the only thing I can figure out as the explanation cus that
glass wasn’t cracked. The supposed stone that most have blasted from beneath
the fans of the mower is nowhere to be found inside the car or outside it. This
just reminds me of last December when we woke up to see the same car's windshield
smashed by a bullet. How that happened, no one knows till date.
When I saw the pieces of glass on
the seats, my spirit went weak. When would all this end? This is happening
barely two weeks after my less than five months phone got damaged
without explanation. This is the first time my phone won’t last more than two
years. I have tried everything to fix it but because the phone model came out
last year, the parts are currently not in the market. I’m still dealing with
how to get cash to replace the phone only to incur another shitty expense I am
so not ready for!
It’s like I’m currently stuck in my
own special Friday the 13th where everything that could go wrong has
been going wrong. Only this Friday 13th seems to be lasting over
several months. I stared at the mess and mehn, I realised I am beyond tired.
I’ve practically given up. I just stared and all I could say was thank you God
for this, it could have been worse.
What’s next? My laptop? My
camera? *sigh
I felt weak and spiritless…this
is me saying Jesus take the wheel. God knows I have had enough with the back to
back unexpected expenses and I’m confused as to why it’s happening in quick
successions. It’s been quite inconveniencing and annoying to say the least.
I’m here praying this ends already ‘cus I could use a break.
Feels like I should just pack a
few stuff, escape to somewhere safe…somewhere nothing can go wrong and be
at peace.
I need to go rest my head now ‘cus I think I have a headache…
