RECESSION IS REAL

My boss shared a piece on recession he read online and I found it very enlightening. Considering the difficult economic climate we are currently facing, I feel it’s important I share excerpts from the post with you guys.

Lately my mantra has been ‘there is rice at home’. I can’t count how many times I have told myself this to prevent myself from spending recklessly. See, truth is economy don cast and we all need to save.

In case you are wondering what I mean by there is rice at home, I got it from a meme I saw on twitter which said – when you grow up and start making money for yourself, that’s when you understand why your parents always told you there is rice at home when you were a child.

The times are hard and we have to be smart, learn how to cut our expenses and manage our scarce resources.

What is economic recession? 

An economic recession is simply defined as a significant decline in the economic activity spread across the economy that usually lasts more than a few months. More economically speaking, a recession is a decline in a country’s Gross Domestic Product or a negative real economic growth for two or more successive quarters in a year. 

What happens during recession?

1. Rise of Unemployment rate

During a recession, there is a general trend of rising unemployment rates and decreasing overall output. With fewer people contributing to the economy, the overall economy is bound to be affected. Income growth would be stalled. While there would be more people in the market looking for employment, the demand for recruiting people is far lesser.

When people are earning lower incomes, their spending power decreases. As such, there is a reduction in spending. Businesses are limited in their ability to pass along any increases in expenses in the form of higher prices. In order to move goods off the shelves, businesses are more likely to reduce prices. This eventually causes deflation.

With prices drifting downward and commodities becoming more affordable, consumer spending will once again kick off and increase. The increase in consumer spending, over time

, leads to an increase in industrial production. This in turn improves corporate profits leading to increased employment and improved earnings, etc. This is how the economic cycle takes place.

That’s why people say economy won’t grow continuously without recession.

2. Stock market plummet

People are generally conservative during recession. Those who lose their jobs because of recession start selling off their investments because they need money to sustain while they get another job. The increased number of people selling their stocks causes the stock market to fall sharply

3. Real Estate plummet

During a recession, people turn to fiscal conservatism. This affects the real estate industry as well, as there is lesser demand in the real estate market. People put off buying and selling of property during the periods of economic recession. Another scenario is where the increasing levels of unemployment during a recession cause affected homeowners to sell their home to accommodate changing job demands.

On the other hand, because of the higher supply of houses on sale as compared to the low demand, an economic recession will forcefully reduce the selling prices of homes. As such, the economic recession has a positive impact on potential homebuyers. This is also because there are lower mortgage rates that are caused by changes in interest rates.

How to prepare for recession?

1. Create a worst-case scenario

Create a worst-case cash flow forecast. Predict how bad it could be if you lost your job or if your business dropped in sales by about 50%.

2. Build up an Emergency fund

Prepare an emergency fund with enough money to cover at least 6 months of expenses.

3. Have a consistently rebalanced investment portfoli

This ensures that you lock the capital gain of certain asset classes when it is booming.

4. No matter what field of your profession, always strike to be the best

Always strive to be the best. Avoid becoming redundant or “fat” in your company. If you do not prove your worth, you will be the first to be led to the exit door during a recession.

5. Diversify your income source

Please beware if you are in a business that serves just 1-2 major customers. You will be at a great risk during a recession. For employees, work out some forms of alternative income besides the main employment.

6. Know your funding sources and manage the relationship properly

Another way to prepare yourself for a slowdown is to know your funding sources and manage the relationship properly. Remember, when funding sources tighten they do so selectively and this applies to their sources of business as well as the credits.

7. Learn to live on less than your income

You may see pay cuts in your job during an economic recession, so look now for ways to trim your budget as much as possible.

8. Last resort – compromise on your lifestyle

When everything doesn’t seem to work out for you, go for the last resort: try reducing your lifestyle dramatically. Sell that luxury car. Move to a smaller house. Cut down on expensive dining.

Cash is King

Cash is king during recession. It is only in your best financial interest to acquire assets (stocks, real estate) during a recession.

Conclusion

There is a possible recession looming. Some people will be harmed and subsequently, the economy will be blamed. They are probably right now maintaining the status quo and simply hoping it doesn’t happen.

Prepare now and you will find that you will not be affected very dramatically. This will leave you in a better edge. Preparation for a recession will enable you to react to changing times and take advantage of select opportunities.

This was copied and I felt I should share it, given the times we are in. 

PSYCHO ANALYSIS

I’m not a good person.

I’ll say I’m more of a flight risk. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not proud of it.

I need to understand that people are not toys, and they have emotions just same way I do. I can’t keep pushing people away and thinking it’s okay to come back later.

It’s been dark and gloomy the past few weeks, but now I see sunshine and rainbows, but that doesn’t give me the right to barge into the lives of those I pushed away during the dark days.

Human relationship has never really been my strong suit. It’s funny how I moved from being that jovial guy in my childhood, the guy who played and laughed with everyone to this paranoid, timid and screwed up kid.

I guess as I grew up, my demons began to show up. Slowly I moved from that outgoing kid to the loner teenager up till my late twenties. Now I can best describe myself as being isolated.

I’m an indoor guy, I love my peace and quiet. I hate dealing and any form of argument. It makes me go mad and crazy when someone is trying to make me deal or talk things through. When I do talk shii out, it’s like my energy starts getting drained with my system working overdrive.

I should have seen it coming though, when I was in primary/secondary school, I was that guy who rarely went out during break. I’d stay the entire thirty minutes in the classroom while most pupils would be out playing games. Apparently my indoor/loner nature has always been there.

I long gave up on people. Why? I realized people are not worth it. I give so much and expect same commitment but lo, time and again I get disappointed.  Or back in those days when I foolishly used to trust people and open up to them about issues but all I get was being misunderstood (very frustrating) or my words being used against me. Slowly, I let it all go, there’s just no use. Then again people’s hypocrisy and judgmental nature just put me off totally. So basically, I try to shut people out and stay in my cocoon but life doesn’t work that way.

I get to interact with people and I don’t know why despite my trying to be on my own, they still find a way of drawing close and then my madness starts and it all gets messy till well, we either strike a balance or we just tear apart.

I'm very insecure, shy and private. Forget I tend to pour out stuff on this blog, I hate someone figuring me out without me opening up to you. I want it to be on my terms. That's how Aweezy was scaring me then in training school. I'm used to people misunderstanding me, infact, I’m highly misjudged. But Aweezy saw through me and he gave me a complete analysis of myself one day. I didn't let it show but I was scared. I felt naked, like I wanted the ground to open and swallow me.

I like my opening up to be on my terms, not by you looking into my soul and figuring me out. When people start talking about me, I start getting jittery like you are going to cut deep and expose my demons and you won't be able to handle it. You'd finally see me but then you'll walk away leaving me in the cold because you can't handle it. Anytime I’m the topic of discussion I just stay smiling but really I’m all nervous inside and dying slowly, holding my breath.

It’s hard being me. “It’s not easy to be me” – Foo Fighters

So much shit I’m dealing with - withdrawal phases when I just want to be alone and don’t want the world to see me or when I have to shut down my social media to stay away from peeps. Then there’s me constantly telling myself I don’t have OCD, so I try not to arrange those naira notes in a particular pattern, or do stuff in certain routine or try to actually leave some unread emails and some notifications unanswered but nah…I still break at times, or the constant urge to check if I locked the doors. *sighs

So many wars I’m fighting within me it becomes a bit exhausting living. I’m weird and I don’t like most things other people like. I have long given up on trying to fit in. I remember in SS1 when I actually bought Ja Rules rap album, same with 50 cent and Eminen’s albums. I was going to force myself to like rap music and also start watching soccer, at a point I got tired and said to hell mehn! This ain't my shiii !!

Most times I want need to stay away from people, not because I desire to, but because I think I have done enough damage already. I have ruined enough friendships and I’m tired of giving people the impression that I am unstable or crazy.

But in all, one thing I need to know is, when I decide to push people away, I should know they also have feelings. They are not puppets, I have no right whatsoever to go back to them like I never left. It’s not fair toying with people that way. I think maybe I’m better off alone, away from the world. A little secret; I actually feel better (slightly relived like a weight has been taken off of me) when I push people away during my dark moody days.

I should really learn to deal with stuff and talk things over. That’s the mistake I made in my last relationship. I should have talked things out like every other normal human being does, instead of just walking away. Also, I need to lower my expectations from people, just do things because it’s who I am. The guy who likes assisting when he can and loves providing solutions to problems. I need to constantly remind myself that because you are nice to someone doesn’t mean they too would be nice to you. Sucks, but that’s just how life is.

The world seems messed up to me and people are not really all that. I hate shallow conversations and idle hangouts. I love reading novels, blogs, any interesting content and music. One thing that has really kept me from losing it is music. I would have totally wigged out by now if not for music.

I have built this small cycle of friends, let go of excess weights and drama in order to keep myself sane. Life seems so much easier being alone (or have I taken the easy way out?), what I need to learn how to live with and enjoy is the loneliness that comes with it at times.

Isolation is not protection. No amount of distance numbs the pain – Lisa Gardner (The next Accident)

Well, what do I know...I am but just a kid.

MUSIC REVIEW – The Hill (Travis Greene)

When I first listened to the album, what came to mind was - Travis must have gone through stuff before releasing this album. I decided to google his story (I always do that about new artists I discover).

He was born a still-born but was resuscitated. When he was four years old, he also fell from a building and died. But the blood of Christ spoke for him and he was revived. Then it hit me, tell me why someone who been through all that would deny Christ or the power of his resurrection?

In the album titled Track - The Hill, he tells his story. Though the song starts slow and seems a bit boring at first, but then it peaks. Singing along with him repeatedly gives the lyrics deeper meaning and it just hits you and all you can see is the prize Christ paid for us.

At the end of the track Travis gives the testimony of when he wife was in labor at 21 weeks, the doctor said they needed to abort the child and they should try again. But something rose within him and his wife that said they trust God too much to give up! I took that word! Trust God too much to give up! On the hill there is a cross, on the cross there is blood for me…

The first songs I heard off of the album were Intentional and Made a way.

Intentional track had me hooked for months. I played it over and over again, the lyrics were a blessing. Don’t give up, we don’t have to worry for our God is intentional!

Then I heard Made a way. Good Lord! That song carries rhema. I knew I had to get the full album, and boy, I was glad I did.

There was a day I was going to work, the week had been everything far from pleasant. I was playing Made a way, singing along and then I got very emotional. I could feel the tears swelling. I was driving so I had to arrange myself before people start wondering what’s up with me.

This album is one of the best gospel albums in recent times. It was released last year and still has lot of impact. I recommend this album for anyone going through a difficult time and I can almost guarantee you that before you are done listening you’ll feel that weight, whatever it is weighing you down lifted. You know that unexplainable peace, the peace that passeth all human understanding, the joy of victory. When singing along you’ll feel so lifted and all your worries turn to dust. This album is a blessing.

From the very first track to the last one, it all songs of victory in Christ Jesus. The opening track – (Here for you) puts you in the mood for true praise, and the second track – (Gave it all) takes you even higher. By the third track – (Intentional), you are already lost in praise and swimming in victory over whatever situation you are facing.

Then from the fifth song – (Made away) to the eleventh song – (Soul will sing), you get into true worship. The final song – (Love me too much) which is a declaration of God’s undying love takes you back to a victory dance of praise.

Track list:

    

1. Here for you

2.    Gave it all

3.    Intentional

4.    You got up

5.    Made a way

6.    Thank you for being God

7.    Who you were

8.    The Hill

9.    You keep me

10. Just want you

11. Soul will sing

12. Love me too much

The only downside I’ll say there is to this album is this – it has always been my sentiment that the use of oh-oh-oh as hook in songs is just a cheap trick of making songs interesting, well he used that trick in almost all of the songs.

Aside that, it’s a great album to lift one’s spirit and also to see anyone through trying times and pain. It also reassures us of our safety in Christ.

MUSIC REVIEW – LEMONADE (Beyonce)

Three things:

1.) You'll not appreciate this album until you listen to it with a sound earpiece or a deck with good woofer.

2.) You need to watch the movie to understand the songs and get the full concept of the album.

3.) Don't listen to the album in shuffle mode. Follow the songs track by track and flow with the story.

Lemonade in its entirety is a master piece. I love the mix of genres in the album. R&B, Pop, Trap, Reggae, there’s even a country song! The versatility is commendable.

Her first three albums were about hit singles while her last three has been about the direction of each album as a work of art with a clear message being told in every song.

When she released music videos for all the songs on B’day I knew she was a visual person. She needed to show people exactly what she was trying to say in her songs, she needed them to not only hear but also see the story. Dropping all videos at once when Beyonce was released didn't give the full impact I felt she was going for. There was a disconnect somewhere.

Finally, she got it right with the lemonade movie. The voice over, the flow of the songs and segments puts the viewer/listener in the story.

Lemonade is pure truth. She spoke from a place of hurt and pain which she artistically turned it into something beautiful.

I'm not going to argue if it's about Jay-Z or not. Heck, inspiration could be from her parent’s broken marriage. Art doesn't necessarily need to be a reflection of the artist's personal life.

If indeed it's was her personal life, the lyrics on daddy lessons where she sings about her dad before he died makes you question it all. Once thing we all know for sure is, her dad isn't dead.

Why don't we forget who inspired the album or who Becky with good hair is and just enjoy this lovely glass of lemonade?

My favourite song on the album is All night. Funny, Bey recently said it was also her favourite track on the album at her formation tour.

The album has a Metacritic score of 92. One of the highest ever for a female album. It is universally acclaimed and the best reviewed album of 2016 so far. Even Rolling stone had to bow down and gave the album 5 stars, something they rarely do.

I’m going to break down the album based on the Lemonade movie.This shall encompass excerpts of the various segments of the movie which features poetry by Warsan Shire, a Somali-British poet, as well as the songs.

"Intuition"

Where do you go when you go quiet?

You remind me of my father, a magician... able to exist in two places at once. In the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3 a.m. and lie to me.

What are you hiding?

Track 1 - Pray you catch me

This is a perfect album opening track. The solemn quietness of the song leaves you pondering and wondering what the album would be about.

Best lines:

Nothing else ever seems to hurt like the smile on your face

When it’s only in my memory, it don’t hit me quite the same

….

What are you doing my love?

[

"Denial"

…but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know

Are you cheating on me?

Track 2 – Hold on

This song totally got me at first listen. The song is of reggae genre.

The visuals of the song made it even more enjoyable. The way she opens the door and then the water rushes out onto the stairs #badass.

Best lines:

How did it come down to this? Scrolling through your call list

I don’t wanna lose my pride, but I’mma fuck me up a bitch

"Anger"

Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? Everyone else can.

Track 3 – Don’t hurt yourself

Impressive rock influenced track. The diversity of the genres in the album is one thing that makes it a stand out album.

If he doesn’t step up she’ll leave him ass on the floor! Unapologetically vulgar and full of swear words! You can feel her anger and rage on this track.

Best lines:

Uh, this is your final warning

You know I give you life

If you try this shit again

You gonna lose your wife

(in the visuals she takes her ring off and throws it at the camera, lights out!)

"Apathy"

Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks.

Track 4 – Sorry

From the anger and rage you feel when you discover they’ve been doing you wrong, you cross over to the stage when you are done with them. You couldn’t care less if the humping a goat. You just done and you aren’t sorry about it. To hell with them and their b.s

Best lines:

Looking at my watch he should’ve been home

Today I regret the night I put that ring on

He always got them fucking excuses

I pray to the Lord you reveal what his truth is

….

He better call Becky with the good hair

"Emptiness"

Every fear ... every nightmare ... anyone has ever had.

Track 5 – 6 inch

This is a pop song that talks about female empowerment. She is known for always having a female empowerment song in every album. This is the point where she’s her own boss, even without her man she can still shut down shii and go about her business.

"Accountability"

Mother dearest, let me inherit the earth. Teach me how to make him beg. Let me make up for the years he made you wait. Did he bend your reflection? Did he make you forget your own name? Did he convince you he was a god? Did you get on your knees daily? Do his eyes close like doors? Are you a slave to the back of his head?

Am I talking about your husband or your father?

Track 6 – Daddy Lessons

I never thought Beyonce would be able to nail a country music song so effortlessly! She totally crossed over on this on.

We all know about her dad’s infidelity drama. That’s what the song references majorly. This is about her dad warning her about men like him who go about breaking girl’s heart.

"Reformation"

I ask him to look me in the eye when I come home.

Why do you deny yourself heaven?

Why do you consider yourself undeserving?

Why are you afraid of love?

You think it's not possible for someone like you.

But you are the love of my life.

Track 7 – Love Drought

This song was a major bore on first listen. The lyrics of the song saved it for me. When I got the words clearly I felt the deep message and I connected with the song.

This is the point where she begins to question things. Is it worth throwing away all they’ve built? She has let out all the rage and anger and is now considering saving their relationship.

She sings -

Ten times out of nine, I know you are lying

But nine times outta ten I know you’re trying

So I’m trying to be fair

And you’re trying to be there and to care

And you’re caught up in your permanent emotions

Best lines:

I always paid attention, been devoted

Tell me, what did I do wrong?

Oh, already asked that, my bad

But you my lifeline, think you tryna kill me?

"Forgiveness"

If we're gonna heal, let it be glorious.

Track 8 – Sandcastles

This is the point at which she forgave. The song is a short ballad filled with raw feeling and honestly. Watching the visuals, you’d be tempted to conclude Jay Z actually shitted. The way he looked guilty, broken and vulnerable in the video.

Still, I feel the song was too real and beautiful to be that.

Best lines:

And your heart is broken ‘cause I walked away

Show me your scars and I won’t walk away

And I know I promised that I couldn’t stay

But every promise don’t work out that way

"Resurrection"

When your back gets against the wall and your wall against your back, who you call? Hey! Who you call? Who you call? You gotta call Him. You gotta call Jesus. You gotta call Him. You gotta call Him 'cause you ain't got another hope.

Track 9 – Forward

This is more or less a transition interlude that had James Blake taking most of the song with Bey merging with him at the end.

This is the point they both decide to win the battle and forge ahead with rebuilding their relationship.

Best lines:

Go back to your sleep in your favorite spot

Just next to me…

"Hope"

Track 10 – Freedom

The drums at the intro of this song is everything. You know it’s going to be a banger once you hear the intro. Having Kendrick Lamar on this song was a wise thought.

Best lines:

I’ma keep running

Cause a winner don’t quit on themselves

"Redemption"

I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade.

Track 11 – All Night

The opening verse of this song tells it all. What the song is about – Forgiveness. This is the highlight of the album, a beautiful climax and end of a love story which had gone through doubt, pain, war and now forgiveness.

Opening verse –

Found the truth beneath your lies

And true love never has to hide

I’ll trade your broken wings for mine

I’ve seen your scars and kissed your crime

Someone tweeted - when you start listening to lemonade and by Don’t hurt yourself you’ve already gone crazy and torn up all your hubby’s things only to reach All Night and realize the album was actually about forgiveness.

Best lines:

Nothing real can be threatened

True love breathes salvation back into me

With every tear came redemption

And my torturer became a remedy

…

How I missed you, my love

Track 12 – Formation

A great trap song in its own right with hit beats and catch phrases. But then this is one song I’ll say doesn’t fit into the album.  The album would have ended at All night, that’s when the love story ended.

The visuals of the song is pure art. Each scene was very impressive and that lil guy bursting those hot dance moves that finally got the police men to surrender.

Best lines:

You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation

Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper

GETTING BACK TO ME

DISCLAIMER: I tried to make this post short, but the words just kept pouring out. I eventually broke it down into two parts. But then, it was still lengthy. I tried, I swear I tried to shorten it/further break it into parts but sometimes, things just fit perfectly well that if a piece is taken out, it loses its steam, so please bear with me.

It' been about a month or less after the break up (or me walking away). I don't feel hurt. Probably felt pissed once or twice about my wasted effort and time but nothing major - no hurt, heartbreak or that sort of shii.

When a major change happens in life, like in my case - losing someone that was a major part of my day and thoughts, one has to adjust and find a way to live with the change. Routines definitely would have to change. How I spent my Sunday afternoons became a major concern.  It took me a while to shake off the odd feeling of spending Sundays alone again.

Mostly, I’ll say I have been having withdrawal symptoms. I deactivated my instagram and facebook accounts. Chatting became a bore and conversations were forced online. I just had to respond to some people to be polite. I guess they may have felt my disconnect while chatting with them. At work I've cut down on people I flow with.

No, I’m not sad or anything. I feel like shutting people out and have some quality me time, be on my own for a while. Process things on my own terms in a healthy way instead of taking the easiest route of a rebound or random flings inorder to ignore the emptiness ‘freedom’ that comes with a break up.

For a while, Saturdays were the hardest. Being an indoor person, I like spending my Saturdays at home reading a novel, listening to music or watching movies/series on my laptop. But just being home became so painful and depressing. Worst part was my close friends who get me are far away in other states. I’ve just been unlucky to make really cool friends in Benin. (Yea, I know, ‘cus I lock myself indoors).

I needed physical company to help me deal with my withdrawal symptoms, cyber space conversations wasn’t going to help. So I had to force myself to hang out at the movies with a friend, though we really don’t share a lot in common or have similar school of thought but it was quite helpful especially as he took me to Uniben. He introduced me to his really cool friend. She made for good conversation and it felt really good, being out there having a decent conversation again with someone new.

At a point we alienated my friend from the conversation when we started talking about music. He got tired of us, but common, its music and that’s my passion! She spoke about a new kind of music that’s the ish now - EDM (electronic dance music). I have tried listening to such songs but it just doesn’t appeal to me. I like real music, live bands, and acoustic covers. I want to hear the clear strings, the instruments contrasting against deep lyrics that have meaning, not some electronic formulated up-tempo beats. I can’t relate to EDM.

I felt alive when I got home and chatted her up on whatsapp hoping to continue our conversation and forge a new friendship. But she wasn’t online at the time. The euphoria gradually wore out and I slowly started withdrawing. I’m that kinda lazy guy who needs encouraging. I need to be dragged out of my dark corner. I may really like you and be into you but sometimes I get so lazy that I need you to drag me out but once I’m comfortable with you and we are on, I’m going to be so all over you. I wish she’ll figure me out and drag me out but I fear she isn’t the type to do so. She seems more like the ‘a guy ought to chase after me type’ (I sincerely hope I’m wrong).

Last weekend after training at work, I decided to chill with two of my colleagues, actually we went to see the new X-men movie. It was refreshing hanging with them, one of them I already knew, and the other I was meeting for the first time. It helped again, not being alone with myself but having random conversation and actually enjoying the conversations even though it was mostly surface stuff and not deep ish I do normally have with my close friends. But the physical company helped, well I knew I would probably not be hanging out with the new colleague in a long time to come but I enjoyed the ease it brought that moment.

Random conversations, living the moment and moving on from it waiting for the next, hoping the withdrawal phase passes.

I have been having a strong desire to shave my hair for a while now, but I can’t because the Oba died. It’s tradition for males in my city to shave their heads in honour of the dead Oba. If I do it now, I won’t hear the last of it at work. I choose my peace of mind.

I keep telling myself this withdrawal ish has nothing to do with my break up but I know it’s in a way an off shoot of it. I’m adjusting and trying to get back to who I was before I got involved. Though I’m still left wondering how is it that I don't feel hurt? Or heartbroken? I'm beginning to question if I was truly in love. I know I cared deeply and to a large extent felt I was in love. I remember several times when we were still together, I’d try to imagine how it would be if we broke up. To be honest I never saw myself feeling pained or broken.

Maybe I wasn't deep into it as I thought but I know I wanted us to work and I really loved what we had. My feelings obviously weren't that deep yet, probably because of my doubts, I subconsciously didn't allow myself get too involved. I mean, it's almost automatic, your response to someone who doesn't make you a priority.

Aside that, I remember when we first met last year August and had a brief fling. Then I know I felt that crazy freaky feeling but this February when we decided to date, that initial feeling was gone. Probably that's why we were stable initially. It was smooth, easy, no long chats, flaming hormones going wild et al. We had passed that initially phase of the rush of emotions you feel when you meet someone new that you are really attracted to. By then we knew each other to an extent with the full knowledge of each other's shortcomings. Our fling last year revealed a lot about our individual personalities. My short temper was revealed along with my penchant for asking direct questions.

I went in hoping things would be better since we knew what ruined us in August, that this time around we would be able to sort those things out and it would all work out fine. Mostly I hoped the seemingly uninterested attitude would die. That’s mostly what put me off last year. Someone would like you but still be dragging fit doing like they are forcing them. That stopped when we started dating, but apparently metamorphosed into something worse.

After the break up post, of course my friends chatted me up to know what's up and if we had worked it out...Mazino was like I should have waited and talked and had several conversations on it. That people change and all.

The sad truth is people rarely change. If they change it’s because they grew or they actually decided on their own to change or they got bored and needed something different or nature just took its course. No one can really fix anyone. We fix ourselves or life fixes us.

The thing about being the one trying to fix others and make things work is you'll get burned out. I have been there before, the one always trying to fix things. You will talk today, they would listen and change for a week. Next week they are back to their old self, you get hurt and then have the conversation again and they change for a week, then relapse. It’s an unending torturous cycle.

Truth is, if you want to be a fixer be ready to walk in cycles and bear the pain that comes with it. Eventually you'll realize they would never change, by then you have been hurt so much, bruised over and disappointed a thousand times.

Then you decide you are done and can take it no more, so you walk away. Your absence hits them and then they realize their wrong, but you are far too gone and can't let them back in. So they go and meet someone else and it works out fine with the new person because life has taught them through losing you that they really need to change.

Your walking away has made them better persons and all your talks still rings in their head and they actually become better persons but they are with another person. So all your pain, and all the bullshit you had to endure were all to make them better persons for another person. Meanwhile you are still single (or not, but most times they move on faster than you, after all you are the one who’s energy got drenched), wondering how come that person who put you through so much is doing ok in their new relationship.

Or you could take the lazy way out. You stop trying to change them and just endure their bullshit and wallow in the pain and unhappiness because you chose to stay. Or you decide to live in denial and make excuses for them. Biko who are you fooling?

In my opinion, you can't fix anyone. It takes the grace of God for people to actually decide to change, but one thing is for sure, they would have to be the ones to consciously decide to change and fix themselves. You can't fix anyone, don't kid yourself. God is God and you are not him.

No one is perfect, know what you can tolerate and live with. If you can't deal, please walk away for your own sanity. Don't drain your energy trying to fix another human. It's not worth it. But if you are already married then that's another story entirely...This advice is strictly for the unmarried. That's why we shouldn't rush into marriage. People say you can never know someone completely, that even when you get married you'll see character you never saw while dating. Well, I’m not married so I wouldn't know. But I do know we always see the signs in the beginning but we ignore it, hoping for the best.

Do I feel lonely? Yes I do but not because my heart yearns for love. I just want good company. Someone with same taste in music, cool headed, someone that writes and reads too and has access to series and good movies also. I mostly need someone that'll challenge me to write more and achieve things I have in mind. And mostly, someone who is present. I don't have energy for cyber space kinda thing. Lately, chatting has become a major bore to me. Like it saps my energy and my fingers have become so lazy.

Two things:

1. I need to delete a lot of pictures from my phone and laptop.

2. I need to sort out my music playlist on my phone once and for all (when I look at the scattered playlist, I feel clumsy like my life is in disarray).

I wish I had a good laptop with sound battery and a very good ear piece. I'll drive to an eatery, order junks and get it all done. My laptop battery is nothing to write home about and the laptop adaptor has magically refused to work on any other socket aside the one in my room. How that's possible, I really can't explain. I took it to the office it didn’t work, took it to another branch, same thing. After suffering the burden of travelling with it to Lagos, it didn't work. Yet it works and is even still working plugged to the socket in my room. *sigh

Talking of my room, I was toying with the idea of getting a place of my own in town. I almost did but then, the laziness of moving as well as the fact I’m really comfortable in my Dad's compound. The free house, no rent to pay, no going to the market to get food stuff, no paying of light bills, plus I recently did some furnishing in my apartment. I stay in the two bed room flat behind. Got everything I need and rarely get visitors. Just me, my peace and quiet. So why move? Then again I’m still not sure about certain things career wise neither am I rather to walk down the aisle in the nearest future.

It’s almost three years now that I’ve been working and I still feel clueless about my career path. It bothers me at times, but mostly I just shake-off the thought. I'm working on a few things which are beyond my control, why kill myself with over thinking?

I'll just chill till they materialize then I'll make a decision. I’m thankful I have something going on even though I’m not so sure I really want to continue in this career path. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Sometimes it's fun and really exciting other times it can be really killing and stressful, sometimes I just feel bored, then a new transaction comes and I feel alive, excited again bla bla bla…

But basically, I still don't feel like I’m all set, like I’m on a well-defined path, you get? Sort of as if my life hasn't started. But this is life, no rush ba?

Well, what do I know? ...I am but just a kid