WHEN LOVE BECOMES DESTRUCTIVE

Love is supposed to be a beautiful bond that holds people together, but at times love could be the very reason people are apart...

It sucks when love is the reason a friendship comes to an end...

There's this school of thought which says a boy and a girl should never be best friends except if they are married or one of them is gay.

If other wise, chances are one of them would develop feelings for the other and we all know what happens in such situations. You either keep your feelings to yourself or you express them and God help that friendship if the other doesn't feel same. Most times that's always the beginning of the end of the friendship.

Then again, there are some persons who make the best of friends being platonic but are miserable when they bring in romantic love. I know of two persons who are very great friends now, you wouldn't even know they have a history of two failed attempts at a relationship or there's been a period of hate because love almost ruined their awesome friendship.

It's a risky thing when your best friend is your girl/boy friend. What happens if you guys break up?  Not only do you lose your love, you also lose your best friend. Imagine the hurt and loneliness? This is usually the lot most clingers find themselves. When they are in a relationship they cling and build their lives around their partner, alienating their old friends and shutting everyone out...then when that relationship ends, they come back or suddenly want to hang out, chat or talk on the phone again, acting like they never left. If your friends love you deeply, they may forgive you but if not, they may give you the ‘talk to the hand” wave. I read this somewhere – ‘you know that tingly feeling you get when you have the hots for someone? Yea, that’s common sense leaving your body.’

“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.” - Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City

Hiding your feelings and preserving the friendship? For how long really? That's serious case of dying in silence or hoping someday he or she will see through you and know exactly how you feel. Chances are you are going to keep waiting till the day they break the good news to you, with their eyes sparkling and a sheepish grin across their lips. They inform you they are in love and....wait for it...in love but not with you! That's the day reality would hit you and you'll finally awake from dream land.

Or can you be friends and hope the feelings would go away? Never! Truth is you are just going to fall deeper in love with each moment you share. Time spent together would just keep you falling more and more in love. Feelings are not mere switches you can just turn on and off. We are humans not robots. We need time to process and get over whatever we feel and the only way time can help in this situation is being apart from your love interest. You can't keep deceiving yourself that all of a sudden you have killed the feelings and switched over automatically to a pure friend zone with no romantic feelings attached. You are just going to burn till you either act out someday or crash, which I promise would definitely end that friendship for maybe forever...

All forms of relationship, be it friendship, love inclined, parent and child, employee and employer, just whatever form needs good communication and understanding to work fine. If you find yourself in this kind of situation, I feel it’s best you call your friend and express your feelings in a mature way and maybe you can start by reassuring them the friendship means a lot to you and that's why you want to come clean to avoid unnecessary complications later. If you are lucky, he or she may feel same way or even if she feels same way and you guys think things over and know a relationship isn't the best thing for you guys due to certain other reasons as we all know, love is never enough. Still if they don't feel same way, you both can come to an agreement that some time apart would be needed, to enable you get over what you feel.

This difficult conversation would save you both a lot of future drama and truth is you would feel a lot better after letting known your feelings because dying in silence is never fun. It’s like dying in a burning room endlessly, you wish to die, you crave for your final moment but it never comes.

At times love is beautiful, sometimes it leaves ugly scars

At times love builds, sometimes it destroys

At times love makes two become one, sometimes it tears apart

At times love is fun, sometimes love hurts

Depending on how you apply wisdom in handling it...

Well, what do I know? I am but just a kid...

Are You In A Relationship, Here Are 5 Signs That You Are Too Clingy by Shittu

It is clear nobody really likes a clingy girlfriend/boyfriend. Clingers are a huge turn off to anyone. Most times this trait is attributed to the women but some men too are clingers. You might think you are just protecting your own or just been jealous, but you might not know when it is considered as clinging. Here are five signs that you might just be a clinger.

SIGN 1: You Don’t Give Space.

If you really like or love someone it’s normal to want to be with them as much as you possibly can, but it’s really important to allow him or her to have some space. If your new boyfriend or girlfriend wants to go hang out, let them go. Don’t start nagging and asking a thousand questions like a detective, and don’t call or text them throughout the night to see what they’re doing. Give them that time to miss you. If you treat your partner like a prisoner, there’s a good chance they will get tired of you and want even more time away from you.

SIGN 2: You’re constantly worried they will leave or cheat on you.

Being insecure is never cute. It doesn’t take long for a person to get turned off by someone who is overly insecure. I think the insecure feeling has happened to most of us atleast once; however… If you are “constantly” worried that your man or girlfriend will find someone else and so you attempt to spend every waking moment with them in person or you hold them hostage on the phone purely out of fear they may find someone else and leave you… that’s a BAD sign and borderline psycho.

Speaking from experience… I once had a man who was a OVERLY insecure STAGE 5 clinger, it drove me crazy and was the death of our relationship. If you’re experiencing insecurities, ask yourself why. Does the person you’re with actually give you a valid reason to feel this way, or is it all in your head? If they give you reasons to feel that way… maybe that’s a sign you shouldn’t be with that person any more… if they are not giving you a reason then you have “issues” and need to figure out the real reason why YOU are so insecure and fix the problem before your partner really does leave you for someone else.

SIGN 3: You Don’t Have Plans of Your Own

If you NEVER make your own plans just in case he or she wants to do something with you, it’s a sign that you’re being clingy. When you are in a relationship, It’s important to have a life of your own. It can be normal to want to spend every minute with your new love (we all have been guilty of this) but the best tip to having a happy & healthy relationship is… not to. Make time for them but also try to keep your independent life and fit your new love into it. Balance is the key.

SIGN 4: You cut off close friends

At first i thought this was a female trait, but then i started seeing BOTH males and females become guilty of this. When you are in a relationship, its obvious and normal to have to cut back on the time you spend with friends, you have a new person you have to schedule in now… however, if it gets to the point where your close friends barely hear from you any more just because you have a new relationship… that's a GOOD sign that A) you’re a bad friend and B) you are being clingy and have no life of your own any more.
I have seen people neglect close friends because they have a new relationship and then when that relationship ends… they come crawling back or suddenly want to hang out and talk on the phone again. If your friends truly love you they may forgive your temporary insanity but if not, they may tell you to “kick rocks”. I once read a interesting quote that stayed in my mind… it said “a HEALTHY relationship makes all your other relationships BETTER”. In other words, if you get into a new relationship and all your other long time loving friend relationships fall apart… something is wrong.

SIGN 5: You Can’t be on Your Own

When everything you do in your life HAS to be done with your partner that’s another BIG sign you are being too clingy. If you don’t feel like you can go on your own to the mall, gym, shopping or to the bank there’s definitely a problem. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you should lose your individuality; eventually you will regret not being your own person and your own person and your partner may begin to lose respect for who you are.

Culled from informationnigeria.org (lifestyle section posted on 19 september 2012 by Shittu)

LONG DISTANCE 2

I wish long distance was a guy or lady, someone I could get a hold of and beat the crap out of. Seriously! It’s that bad…

I have met some really cool peeps this past year and long distance has always had a way of ruining it all for me. Forget love or relationship, these are people I would love to be really great friends with. People I get and they also get me. I feel like strangling ‘long distance’.

Certain times the only way to get through this thing called life is having the right people around you. Persons that’ll build you, bring you endless smiles and laughter, people you feel at home with. Just being around them lifts your spirit far above any cloud of darkness that seems to loom around especially when you are alone.

I loathe long distance with a passion. Yea, it’s good to be strong and independent but at times, it’s okay to lean on someone. Even though this is now sort of a cliché, the fact is no one is an island. This phase of my life I really want to be around people that bring light into my seemingly dark days.

I smile a lot and it comes naturally but seriously, I need people that would make me smile from the deepest part of my heart. Those who know me well would recognize that infectious smile - when I look all childish and my eyes light up, with a very big grin across my lips showing all the gaps between my teeth, lol…I’m already feeling dreaming remembering those times great friends made me smile that way.

I need to live, to surround myself with true friends and awesome people. I don’t want to continue this way or miss out on beautiful moments. Long distance seems to be my lot now, like I have been jinxed. What I wouldn’t give to get out of this blip! I know people would say if the bond is real, distance shouldn’t mean a thing.

Let’s get real for a moment here, long distance hurts, especially when you are the kind of somewhat clingy person. At times, being apart helps (no one loves to be suffocated), but certain times, being together physically is just the ultimate. Being able to experience great moments, breathe in each other’s joys and help support each other through disappointments and hard times… that’s what any form of relationship should be about.

When it comes to long distance I admit I am not strong to brave it. I just can’t go all the way. Tried it several times before and each time I got burnt, so now I just run, run, run, run…The torture, mental stress and all that it entails. I love my sanity and to be honest my poor heart has had enough failed awe-inspiring friendships be it my doing or the other’s or mostly the doing of long distance.

The thing with long distance is truly out of sight is out of mind, at first it’s always intense and the communication through whatever means is always regular. But with time, its slows down and you get so used to each other you don’t even notice that something is going wrong and then it hits you guys. Bit by bit you have drifted apart without even noticing…

In case you are wondering why this post is tilted long distance 2, I once wrote a note on long distance (you can go to January and search for it). Then I just put down my idea but now I am living it. You may call this frustration post; you are not far from the truth because I am tired.

Why can’t the people who are close by be the ones who have same likes with me? Like my kind of songs? Get me the way I get those far away or just be the ones I can have decent conversation with and have really remarkable mindset entirely different from that of typical Nigerians? Why must all the ‘cool peeps’ be far from me?

For now my case may seem hopeless but I do know I am a survivor and this would pass. Someday I would finally stick my tongue right in the face of long distance. I will surely survive this and no more would I run away from people because I don’t want to go through the strain of long distance.

Well, what do I know? I am but just a kid…..

Ps: I am really sorry for the hurt or pain I have caused because I was not brave enough to go the distance... (I hope they get to read this).

Memoirs of a sad heart

Currently having on of those sad moments when I can't really say what's making me sad but yet I feel like crying...

For once I am not in control and it's really annoying and scary in a way. These past two months have been so hard for me.
I hurt myself hoping, believing and trusting...
I was crushed terribly and brought to the ground. I needed a break from my reality. I was overwhelmed. I guess I was growing up finally, no more that guy who always got what he wanted. This is the real life where good things don't happen necessarily to those who work hard and obey the rules. Life indeed has been a learning process for me.

I know I have to be strong but I don't play the hypocrite. Never have and don't ever plan on doing so. I hate pretence. I believe so much in dealing with pain and healing completely before putting myself out again.
Why has our world turned into one where everyone has to fake a smile so no one knows you are hurting? Talk about dying in silence.

I was hurt and crashing but everyone around me expected me to act tough and brave, to act like nothing happened to me...really?
There I was faced with serious disappointments. I was in new territory. It was all so new to me...I needed time to heal, not to fake strength I barely had.
I shut everyone out and decided not to talk things out with anyone because I knew they would not listen, all they would say is that's life, it would get better, you have to be strong and all the crap!!

Not going to help at all...what I needed was someone to listen and just listen and tell me it's okay to cry away the pain, to let it hurt and process the pain, slowly I would pick up again when I have dealt with every single hurt. Not suppress it and then accumulate bitterness, pain and regret.
You wonder why some people are so insensitive, bitter and 'wicked' or should I say sadistic?

Don't tell me to be happy! There's a time for everything and that was the time to be sad...there is a reason God gave us these different emotions...
Anyway that's that...slowly I have picked myself up though I made a few avoidable mistakes while getting back on my feet.
I wouldn't say I have completely healed but I know I have made tremendous progress...

I found myself slipping in and out of depression. My own reality became a nightmare to me. I needed a distraction from my life. I started watching a series (make it or break it)...been so much fun till well, it ended today and all of a sudden I felt so empty and sad like a part of me had died. I was lost in a fairytale so to say.

Well, made me realise it's time I started writing again, like my good friend KCN advised maybe I should write about the emptiness I feel and truth is I feel so much better now I have written this...even far better than how I felt those times I was crawled up in bed listening to depressing rock songs, and letting their deep lyrics break and crush me...(In a weird way those songs did see me through) ...Nơw I just have to discipline myself and write. Normally people say they have writer's block but I'd say what I have is definitely writer's laziness because I have ideas but I am just damn lazy...avoid all distractions and just concentrate on writing because It seems it's the only thing I can get right now...don't even want to start with all the people I have pushed away this period and all the mistakes I have made, seems as if when I try to make things right I ruin it the more, so I have decided to just stop and stay away from everyone for now and let time heal all the damage I have caused...

Lyrics to When A Heart Breaks by S. O. Stereo

No one ever told me
It would come to this
What began with such a promise
Would end with such a twist
I lean into the whisper
But I don't hear a thing

It's a tear in the dark
All alone in the car
In pieces, pieces
It's the sound of mistake
As I'm lying awake and
Sleepless, sleepless

This is the sound that's made
When a heart breaks

Everybody's laughing
Maybe that's just me
Does something unrequited
Mean it will never be
I lean into the whisper
But I don't hear a thing

It's a tear in the dark
All alone in the car
In pieces, pieces
It's the sound of mistake
As I'm lying awake and
Sleepless, sleepless

This is the sound that's made...

Please don't leave me here
Please don't leave me here
Please don't leave me here
Please don't leave me here

Life, for now, I've come to fear
You've dropped me off and left me here
With nothing here to find my way
But the light you take as you pull away

Far ahead the brush is moving
There's others here and good still proving
Nothing's wrong, it's in my mind
Nothing's wrong and I'll be fine

It's a tear in the dark
All alone in the car
In pieces, pieces
It's the sound of mistake
As I'm lying awake and
Sleepless, sleepless

This is the sound that's made
When a heart breaks

CRUSHED

I'm here again; broken and crippled yet again by love. I told myself I'd never walk this road again, that I'll be strong and independent.

Like Daughtry sang: 'you'd think I have learnt my lesson by now...but still i drive myself right through the pain, yea it turns out I haven't learnt a thing'.

I sit here on the floor of my apartment listening to songs I had downloaded waiting for the day we'll finally meet. That magical day I dreamt of. The day the skies would glow when finally our bodies shall meet, spraying the skies with sparkles of flame our hearts had already ignited the day we connected. Music was our connecting force. Each song shared spoke volumes of what we felt.

I'm here with my heart wrecked and ripped in pieces. 'It's over and done but the heartache lives on inside' (destiny child- emotions). I'm trying to nurse my bruised knees to health. So much struggle and fighting to make it work but lo, I lay fallen. My knuckles are bruised from my lost fight.

Feels like time has stopped and I'm left to suffer this pain for eternity. All around me is hurt. I'm dealing with so much pain and seemingly unending sorrow. No one's coming to save me.

I long for you, for your company, for that familiar voice to tell me it's going to be okay. But all I hear is this loud silence. It's so deafening it re echoes loudly down my lonely being.

You are everything I wanted yet you are everything I don't need. I want to fight for your love, to hold on to you but I know I have to let you go. It's the only way we can move on with our lives. How can something so innocent feel so deadly?

When the sun goes down and the night stars take over. All I think about is you. Memories of you fill my heart as the stars fill the skies. Memories that illuminate my heart, bringing a smile to my lips. My eyes light up but it doesn't last a minute. A tear drops because I know all we have has flown away...never ever to be.

Leaving me was the best thing to do. Our time was up. Our love had run its course. We didn't have to go on pretending.
'There's no use trying when the pieces don't fit anymore' (James Morrison - the pieces don't fit anymore).

I touched love and I got burnt. Now I'm rising from the ashes, finding my way back to the start...

THE BODY GUARD’S WIFE

Her eyes remained fixed on the television screen. The reporter kept speaking, standing in front of the shootout scene but Mary Jacobs heard no words. Her world was crashing fast. Tears flowed freely from her eyes, blurring her vision. Her life began to flash before her eyes.

Jack was gone forever.

Theirs was a love story which had withstood trials and hardships. Now it was all over.

She ran a small shop down the street, while Jack used to run a barbing saloon before enrolling in a security training institute. After completing the program he got a job as a body guard to one of the richest families in the city - The Burrows.

Mrs. Burrow was a fashion icon recognized across the globe. She lived a charmed life, jetting from one fashion show to another promoting her new collections. In all her travels she took Jack along. He was her favourite body guard.

She’d endured lonely nights without him. It was his job and they needed the money. She was ready to go pay such sacrifice. Even when the tabloids ran an exclusive page six story about Mrs. Burrow’s affair with her ‘favourite’ body guard, she stood her ground believing each word Jack told her. He reassured her of his faithfulness. She didn’t let her neighbours side talks bring her down. Bu his situation she was in now was way too much for her to handle.

There had been a shootout at Mr. Burrow’s club that night. It was an open secret that he was a drug lord in addition to his vast estate which fetched him billions of dollars yearly. Jack was gunned down while trying to protect Mrs. Burrow. Yes, he was doing his job but it was hard for her to accept he jumped in front of a bullet for that woman. Did she even think he had a family?

These wealthy folks had so much money to hire enough body guards; do they even care to know if they had wives and families? What were they to them, human shields? At the moment jack would be a hero to the Burrows but tomorrow another guard would be hired. He would be totally forgotten.

She hated the Burrows. They should have died at the hands of their rival drug gang. Not her innocent Jack.

She was bitter at jack. He should have thought of his family, of her, of them….her hands moved over her protruding stomach as her unborn child began to kick…..