THE MARRIAGE ISSUE

My colleagues are all married. They have one common mission- to get me to walk down the aisle soonest!

One good day, I sat in front of my second line supervisor. I was expecting us to go straight to discussing the document I needed him to approve but I got asked a question I wasn't expecting. 'Bros, when are you getting married?'

I didn't see that question coming. I just looked at him, totally blank. At the end, I did get about thirty minutes of marriage lecture before we discussed business. Truth is, the whole plans for marriage is not in my head at all (for now though).  I won't make the mistake of saying I am trying to figure out things or I am sorting my issues before Idemudia would comment and say ever since he knew me I have been sorting my issues out, lol.

“If I get married, I want to be very married” – Audrey Hepburn

I remember when I was still in training school (2013), one of the facilitators then told us to think about where we would be in five years. Honestly it was after I had finished making the plans it hit me that I didn't even consider marriage.

Really how does one know the right time to get married? Is it because they have attained a certain age? 'Cus they fall in love? Meet the right one and know it's time or follow society's timetable that when you are done with university and NYSC, gotten a good job, you ought to get married?

Now getting a good job isn't even important o! I have heard more than two people say once you are of age just get married even if you are earning 20k. Just marry and start...hian!

Afe once updated this on bbm 'after salvation, marriage is the most important thing'...when I read it, something in me got so ticked off! I mean what the heck?? Is marriage really all that important? That's the idea society has put in people's head especially the female folks that marriage is the height of their accomplishment/success.

I had to ping him immediately. He tried to argue but I just wasn't taking any of it. Save to say I cut what would have been an endless argument with the perfect punchline...I asked him if he can name any world leader or well know achiever who has been famed or has impacted the world positively because they had a successful marriage. He went quiet and was like nice one. That ended it all.

Marriage is good yes, I mean no one wants to be alone and in the words of O'nelly, the curiosity of knowing what your kids would look like is one reason to get married and have kids. But for me sha, if marriage doesn't happen, okay, but I'd be more bummed if I don't have kids.

That's how I was talking with my colleague recently. He was telling the new guy that I'd be getting married this year. I laughed and said marriage isn't even in my five year plan but kids are. The new guy was shocked but my colleague (he knows me well enough now) laughed and said he wasn't surprised, that my thinking is always upside down.

I used to read about single people saying how their married friends always want to match make their single friends up. Well that's what I am enduring in the office. All my married colleagues are all looking for a wife for me! Na wa! I remember when I got transferred to Benin, the first thing I noticed was almost all the staff here are married. So different from Lagos where almost everyone is career focused and the married ones are in the minority.

Truth is, I have so much to achieve before marriage. I don't even feel any urgency or pressure that I am getting old though my supervisor did give me good reasons why getting married early is good. Especially the one about not ending up going for school run when I am 60yrs old Instead of having grandkids at that age. That point got to me.

But this marriage thingy tho! So complicated. Like what if I get tired of the person? Cus me I know I have some kinda serious issues. Pushing people away for one comes naturally.

I won't pretend I am a robot or anything of sorts, I do crave companionship, having that one special person I can share my day's experiences with but marriage? That's another level on its own. I want that seemingly almost perfect relationship and true love and great companionship. I need it this time of my life, but not marriage for now.

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” - When Harry Met Sally

People who have been married for a long time, after many years, I wonder if they are still in love or just existing in the marriage because that's the moral thing to do. They live without that excitement; all they do is just wake up, eat, cater to kids and issues that come up, sleep, wake next day and continue the routine. No excitement, no adventure, all dull and boring.

“Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative” – Unknown

Don't get me wrong, I like all the mushy feelings at times. Key words - 'at times'. After getting married, would I be allowed to take a break when all I want is to be alone? Be on my own doing my own thing and barely saying a word to anyone? Enjoying my quiet company

When I am in the “I don't want to feel a thing mood?” When the whole two hearts is one ish feels absurd to me? What then happens to my wife?

Maybe I don't get people, maybe I am odd/weird (I know I am weird, that’s a fact) but in a cool way. People love me but well, I just don't know how to stay long with someone. Then marriage? Compromising on many things et all, learning patience all over…grrrrhhh…

One thing I am sure of is that I want kids. Those little feet, tiny hands and cute white eyes. Holding then so close, feeling the love and all...I want all that and hearing those tiny voices call me daddy.

Maybe I should pay for a surrogate to carry my kids. ‘Cus this whole marriage thingy don't seem I am cut of for it.

Recently I got furniture moved into my apartment. When the guys were done with the arrangement my Mum said – ‘now everything is set, remaining for you to marry’. I just did as if I didn't hear a word she said and slipped out of the room in peace :D

My dad hasn't really said anything serious about it. But it's my mum that has mentioned it several times. The place I get most heat from is the office. Those people nor go let person hear word. Like marriage is the ultimate achievement in life *sigh

What if you are not the marriage type? Do you have to conform?

They really should cut me some slack. They have lived their lives the way they chose to, can I be allowed to make my own decisions and live life just as I see it fit? Marriage isn't something you cajole or rush someone into. Everything must be set and my heart should feel 100% into the idea. No rush, 'cus once in, I don't plan on getting out.

“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are” – Will Ferrell.

Well, I would probably read this post in a few years and be amazed how my school of thought/or desire has changed. I mean, when I was in secondary school I did say I would get married at 24/25 years. Right now, the way it is going, seems the marriage thingy is gonna be Vision 2020 things.

There are people who know how to handle it all at once, school, relationships, career and all that life ish. I have always been the guy to take it one at a time. I’m done with School, NYSC, working now though still trying to set a firm path as per where my career is heading and that’s top most priority for me. After getting that set, next I believe is starting a family. For me it’s one step at a time, not necessarily because I am waiting for the right time or right person.

After all, “the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henry Youngman

Marriage nor be beans

Well, what do I know? ...I am but just a kid??

REFLECTIONS ON 2015...DECISIONS FOR 2016 and other random stuff...

I recently received a text message from a colleague I once thought we'd be very good friends. We all have flaws and friendship is all about accepting each other’s flaws but then, don’t mistake people’s shitty ways they are obviously making no effort in changing for flaws.

Old annoying shit just kept repeating itself. After his last episode in December, I told myself it ends in 2015. I saw the message, it was about us drifting apart and how he was missing our paddy goons ways. I smiled. The drift was actually me, all on purpose.

Someone posted this online - 2015 taught me we outgrow friends and that's okay.

I did some thinking through 2015. Initially when I got transferred to Benin, most of my colleagues here were married. Basically it was just me to chill with myself on weekends. Early 2015 new guys were employed, single young dudes.

I thought, maybe now I’ll have a social life. I hung out with them several times at bars, lounges and clubs (even though I said I'd never follow them again as bars and clubs were not my scene). But then, it was as if I was always hoping the next visit would be better. I was expecting something that never came. Each hang out just seemed full of idleness and left me feeling shallow and empty. Wasted nights I could have spent having a nice sleep. I mean, there's nothing like too much sleep.

Each week you'd see them with different girls, jumping clubs by 1am, 2am...what kinda lifestyle is that? I'd just stay watching them, wondering what fun they were possibly getting. I'd try to reason with them once in a while but obviously it's who they have been since their university days.

The last incident was when some girls used one of the guys as 'cab driver'. Dude went to pick the chick and her friends from her house, drove them to a lounge where one of the girls was having a birthday hangout. The girls were just having random conversations ignoring him (not me! cuts I first nor get their time) and of 'cus there'd always be a Beyonce amongst them who was the ring leader.

We got there and they so distracted him, he actually left his car on with the keys in the ignition. After a while the security came to alert him. That’s how they would have stolen his brand new car all just because he wanted to score. From there he drove us to a club where they did some drinking and dancing. I just sat at one corner observing. Before I knew what was up, I was asleep. My colleague came to wake me, I was like dude take me home o. The girls eventually dumped him for other guys they met at the club. For the next two weeks I kept calling him cab man.

That's one thing that's sure going to die with 2015 - Idle hangouts with no meaningful conversations.

I posted this on IG, (well that was before I deactivated my account. The app drinks data like cray, got me subscribing for data three times a month) - To do the things I love; listen to music, write, read novels, watch movies, eat junk and cuddle... to enjoy life without too much effort.

Basically that’s me, well you can add to have meaningful deep conversations probably best when it's one on one and I cherish my quiet company.

Thinking back, I realize that what made me hangout with those guys was mostly due to pressure from people at work who kept teasing me that I didn't have a social life. I'm not the type to be affected by such pressure, really wonder why I gave in. *sigh

This post I saw on twitter helped me get back to me -

Be an individual and stop seeking validation from others that don't even know themselves.

The hard truth is; people are shit. I have never really been a people person. Honestly, I don't like humans. We know how to give advice and tell people how well their lives should be lived but we are so clueless about ours. In truth, most of the people who give advice most times are envious of the freedom other people have to live as they choose. Their advice isn't 'cus they genuinely care. They just want to infect others with their negative energy.

I'm not advocating that those engaged in self destructing habits shouldn't be cautioned. People just tend to not know how to mind their business. Be who you are and the world would adjust. You owe no one explanation for how you live your life or the choices you make neither do you need their approval (well, as far as your choices are not hurting anyone or making life horrible for others).

Watching suits makes my heart bleed. The way Lewis Litt keeps living his life seeking for Jessica and Harvey's approval....so pathetic. Sad thing is that's actually how lots of people live their lives. Just sad.

This 2016, I think I’ll go back to 2014, when I didn't make effort in keeping in touch or fighting for any friendship. But this time I won't go all the way. Keeping in touch hasn't really been my strong suit but I'd try to keep in touch with a few friends that have been constant. For the others, who wants to stay would and well, those who fall off...never mind.

Fewer people around, less bullshit to deal with.

Better to be alone than be around people who don't get you and don't try to understand you either but make your life miserable with their several unsolicited advice on how you should live your life while trying to turn you into their own perfect idea. Crazy thing is, it's the same persons that will preach be yourself but when you try to actually do you, they'll judge you from UNIBEN main gate to Capitol!.

Something happened recently, my paddy did something that made me question his loyalty and I really didn't feel safe having him on my blackberry messenger (bbm) anymore. Bbm to me is an extension of myself. A safe haven where I lose control and just let out my crazy. So I really screen the people I have there. Just a select few who know the real me and won't have weird opinions or come preaching or trying to fix me because they get I'm just letting out stuff.

I removed him since I couldn't trust him anymore. I called the next day to explain why I did what I did, though the previous day when he did what he did I told him via chat I am now questioning his intentions. During the course of the phone call, he said he had updated I deleted him and that I had lots of enemies and they all were saying crap...well to be honest these are people who were more or less monitoring spirits on my bbm, spying on updates so they can go about making idle rumours et all. Same people that made me delete my bbm after making my bbm feel like a crowded house.

Then on Sunday 17, I came across Michael Ogah's Facebook post where he expressed just how I felt. I took away these four points (I wish those people would read this and just get me once and for all) -

- The older I get, the smaller my circle becomes, and it's best; because I've got dreams to pursue, and so have you; so let's not waste each other's time-- the lesser the distraction, the better for the both of us.

- If you can't understand, by now, the kind of person I am, having known me for more than a year: how I may not call you for months, or years; but doesn't mean I deleted your number or started holding a grudge-- there were just many things happening in my life at the time, but never once did I forget you, I just had to deal with these things

- I get it, friends make the world go round, and loneliness can be a disease, but some of us are better without it. Some of us ACTUALLY enjoy our own company and misery

- As for those friends who still hold on to hurt, I never left, I'm still here, waiting for the day you realize I never left, I was just too busy being happy without your negative energy

Valentine used to be so hard on me, like he was trying to make me conform into a socially acceptable human. He meant good and I knew it. I never really held it against him, though sometimes it was quite tiring. I just wished he’d get me. I know I’m weird and all that, but I feel perfectly okay. This is me, accept me for me or well, you could find your way and leave me in peace and not in pieces.

Recently, I sent him this excerpt from one of my previous blog posts -

"I'm complicated and I have different sides depending on my mood. The thing about us humans is we have this natural instinct to judge people forgetting our own sins and flaws. I'm paranoid and insecure. I hate the feeling like people are watching me. Sometimes I just start accepting request then maybe it gets to 40 contacts, I start feeling suffocated, like my life is crowded.

One thing I learnt from my University days is people are a big problem in life with their numerous opinions about how well you should live your live. It's best you just have a few around you. The less persons around you, the less bullshit you have to deal with. Trust me on that."

That was a turning point in our friendship of our over 8years. After reading he replied with - I'm sorry I've contributed several times to your 'suffocation' with my opinions about how you should live your life. I promise to try to be more understanding/accommodating in the future.

This 2016 I hope to have just those who get me, those who matter and those I truly care about close to me. There’s room for meeting new people but I’m not so keen on it. Then there are penpals I’d like to finally meet in person, someone like Asiwa whom I have known for years but haven't met yet. I missed the opportunity of finally meeting when I was on vacation last year. 

That's one cool person who got me back then when I was going through some dark shit and posting suicidal updates on facebook. He was one person who knew where I was coming from, he knew I wasn't going to do it but I just needed to channel all the pain into dark posts for release. It felt good knowing at least one person got me out of all the seas of many admonitions I got from friends, all trying to provide advice I sincerely didn't need, neither did it help me get any better.

Out of the blues someone sent me a message about my dark posts and that's how we got chatting and it was of great help just having someone I could relate with.

One day, mid-December, I was listening to One Republic's burning bridges and the Lyrics got to me. I get its okay to burn bridges with some people but I realized trying to do so with certain persons would just be us putting ourselves through torture. I'm all for not speaking with a cheating ex but then I think after a while, after healing has taking place and all...when everyone has moved on and learnt their lessons there's still room for friendship.

I thought to myself it had been a year since the hurtful break up, I was hurt yea, but I had moved on and was missing my friend. I reasoned, I was in constant communication with other exes from way back, why is this one different? Why was I putting myself through torture? Maybe it was 'cus it was the most recent but being true to myself, I was suffering more trying to burn the bridge. I had to reach out, only then did I find peace and the friendship is back to normal …well after the initial weirdness of course.

I'm still surrounded by married women at work eh! Even the new staff in wapic is married. That's how I was telling Iyen that the babes set well, only for Iyen to inform that the lady is married. I was like huh? Married ke? Iyen said when next she passes I should take note of her ring finger. *sigh.

Same thing that happened last two years, happened again. Wedding band I never saw appeared by force! Now the first place I look at when I meet a lady for the first time is her wedding finger, enough of all this wasted admiration.

That’s how I used this really cute picture of my colleague and I as whatsapp profile picture. People were admiring and commenting on the picture. She fell ill three Fridays ago and we had to rush her to the hospital. In the process I had to save her hubby's phone number and he got my number also since we were communicating. I jeje quickly removed the picture o, before her hubby saw it. Nor be me wan scatter person marriage ni.

For now (maybe later in the year it would change), I’m not looking for love or a relationship. I just need good company; someone with whom I can get different types of cake from cake lounge, drive to a field and just sample songs, have great conversations about music and life in general, have a deep connection and well, basically just have a nice time bonding.

Cheers to 2016! Here’s wishing all my readers a blissful year ahead…

2015: MUSIC REVIEW

Disclaimer: I’m not a fan of rap/hip hop. Kindly note that the lack of Kendrick Lamar’s critically acclaimed album in this post doesn’t mean I’m saying it wasn’t a good album. I just I don’t do rap. Though I enjoy one or two rap/hip hop songs (e.g drip drop from empire), but generally that genre just doesn’t work for me.

I want to start this post by appreciating my music buddies...Aweezy, Lynda, Avidole, Melvin, Ibukun and Efe Cruz. We had some really nice music conversations the past year and shared songs we discovered both recently released songs and old ones. I still remember long chats and conversations, purely about music had with some of them and they were just so fulfilling, amazing conversations….music is life.

I've realized that like art in general, songs written from pain are the most beautiful. Sad songs sound a million times better when played at night, in the dark. The quietness, minimal distractions from the environment, when you are most relaxed and vulnerable emotionally, each word hits home as the song plays on.

You hear the strings and chords clearly. Your defenses breaks down with each note as the song takes you down memory lane to one or two life experiences. It shatters you all over again, bringing the pain to life once more. You re-live the hurt and the best part is, the healing the song brings, making you feel alive. Reminiscing makes you know that you being where you are now means you survived whatever it was, heartbreak, loss or just anything.

"Albums, you remember those? Albums still matter. Like books and black lives, Albums still matter, tonight and always." - Prince's speech when he came up to present the award for album of the year at the 57th Grammy Awards.

2015 was a great year music wise, with some really good albums and of course, my music buddies and myself discovering artists especially relatively unknown indie rock artists.  I've always stated I’m an album person. Most of these artists don't release the best songs as singles from what I have noticed. In addition, listening to the entire album gives you understanding of where the artists is singing from. The experiences and all that led to the creation of the body of art work.

Albums releaszed in 2015 I played a lot the past year include - Kelly Clarkson's Piece by Piece, Mikky Ekko’s Time, Demi Lovato’s Confident, Adele's 25, One Direction's Made in the A.M and Coldplay's A head full of dreams. That Coldplay's album saw me through the holidays. This is second Coldplay’s album I like all the songs, the first was Ghost Stories. Personally, Ghost stories is still my favorite Coldplay album of all time but of course, their old songs - The scientist, Fix you, Speed of sound, In my place, Viva la vida, and Clocks would always forever occupy a special place in my heart.

There were also cool songs I got from movies and series I saw last year, though some of the songs are old -

-       Hard to find by The national (Suits),

-       Say anything by Ashley Nite (the vampire diaries),

-       I think I’m in love again by Kat Dahlia (Grey's anatomy),

-       All of the stars by Ed Sheeran (The fault in our stars)

-       Oceans (where my feet may fail) by Hillsong (Captive trailer)

-       Don't dream it's over by Crowded house (The Perks of being a Wallflower)

-       Conqueror by Jussie Smollett & Estelle (Empire)

-       I'm not ok by Trent Dabbs (Mistresses)

-       Writings on the wall by Sam smith (Spectre)

-       Earned it by The Weekend/Love you like you do by Ellie Goulding (50 shades of grey)

-       Powerful by Jussie Smollett and Alicia keys (Empire)

-       See you again by Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth (Furious 7) and so many others...

The beginning of the year was sort of slow ‘musically’ but then towards the end of the year, tight albums started dropping. I thought Rihanna's Anti album would be one of those released but seems the babe is scared. Not with the way everyone is focused on hit singles and chart dominance these days. It's sad.

That's one thing killing music now. I miss the old Rihanna who sang what she wanted to sing and dropped albums every year not caring about the charts. It's sad when an artist loses their freedom and allows the charts prevent them from doing what they truly love. That's what I love about Coldplay's latest album. They changed their sound and did something different - an album full of different genres.

Then Taylor Swift going the way of pop in 2014 with ‘1989’, and making a really good pop album! At first when she announced she was going to do a pop album, I was like nooooo! But then 1989 turned out to be one of her best albums.

That’s something I hope Adele does with her next album. Enough of the same sound. She was too safe on 25, I mean, those songs could easily fit into 21 album. I need something different, something fresh and new from her. Justin Bieber did good on Purpose album though I like probably just about half of the songs - Mark my words, Sorry, The feeling, Purpose, What do you mean, Love yourself, Company, Life is worth living, Hit the ground, All in it and We are. For a 20 track album I thinks that's really something. Initially I didn’t feel the album, but after several listens it began to grow on me.

Imagine Dragon's Smokes + Mirrors has started growing on me also. Though their first album (Night visions) was an instant hit with me, this one kinda took a while to sink in but I’m feeling the songs now. Songs like I bet my life, The fall, Shots, Smokes & Mirrors, Second chances  are kinda making me want to give the album another chance. (Notice my rhymes there? *wink)

Demi Lovato reaffirmed her place in my heart with Confident album! Though she really made me feel like she had given in and sold out to the stereotype pop songs that are more radio friendly seeing those songs came first on the album, but after the first few tracks the true picture of the album began to show. She hadn't betrayed what she's best known for - ballads which showcase her very strong vocals. Reminds me of Beyonce 4 album. Initially, I heard songs like Run the world, End of time and Countdown, then I thought to myself this is going to be a pop album, only for the album to finally get released and discovered it was one hell of a proper R&B album.

Remember that guy Rihanna featured on Stay? Mikky Ekko. Dude finally released his album early in the year. You should hear tracks like Time, Burning doves and my favourite - Comatose! The album didn't disappoint. Though I don't know why he didn't include Feels like the end in the album. I mean, he included old songs he had released before (Smile and Pull me down). I'm biased about Feels like the end ‘cus it was the soundtrack played in the Grey's anatomy episode Mcsteamy was on life support and about to die. The song was just the perfect song for that heart wrenching scene.

Errm...Hillary Duff tried to break into the music scene again. I really loved her Metamorphosis album back then. This her latest effort (I have even forgotten the title) was kinda lukewarm. Most of the songs are forgettable but one had some deep lines it definitely stock - you can't put your arms round a memory. The Song talked about long distance relationships ish. Title of the album is Breathe in. Breathe Out. The song I was referring to is titled Arms around a memory.

Adam Lambert released The Original high. He sort of changed his sound too. There was with less screaming this time around. I love Ghost town (especially retro sound at the staring part of the song), There I said it and Rumors. In my opinion, the best song happened to be an extra bonus track - These boys. It really got me wondering how artists choose their lead singles or decided the songs to make the final cut of an album. That's how Rihanna wasted a good song like Half of me as bonus track, same way Beyonce wasted Dance for you and Schooling life *sigh

I have been reading great reviews of Ellie Goulding's Delirium album. Songs from the album that have caught my ear are don't panic, Army, On my mind and Love me like you do. I haven't been able to listen to the full album at a stretch ‘cus her voice sounds like she sings via her nasal cavity and that's just too painful for me to song after song for an hour plus.

I still don't understand the hype over The Weekend's Beauty behind the madness album. Biko the album was kinda boring! Just a few songs like Earned it, Can't feel my face, Angel (my favourite) and two or three more tracks were really good.

David Cook, my guy! He released Digital vein. The album was okay but not as good as his previous albums but still it is something. Feel deep in love with Broken windows on first listen.

5 seconds of summer also released their second album. I really can't say which of their albums I prefer, though i'd say they are both decent albums with good songs on both. I particularly love Catch Fire and Broken Home from this new album. She’s so perfect and Amnesia were my favorites off of their previous album.

Albums released last year I haven't had the opportunity of getting and I feel would have good songs are Honeymoon by Lana Del Rey, Higher than here by James Morrison and Title by Meghan Tranor.

Downloading albums can be quite a risk though. Imagine using your data to download a full album only to discover the album is shit! The thing can pain! E.g – Morning Phase by Beck (I still don’t know how that won album of the year).

I discovered my wedding song! The one by Kodaline! The lyrics, the instruments, the sound!! Just so apt!

Kodaline is really cool. Songs like All I want, Lost, Better...the album was released early 2015. I have some of the songs and I plan on getting their two albums! They are that cool.

One major thing I love about Christmas is Christmas songs! I still haven't found a better Christmas album than Mariah Carey's own. But my favourite Christmas song changed last year. It used to be Hark the herald angels sing, but when I heard Kris Allen's cover of Mary, did you know? I was hooked!

I got to hear Pentatonix's version, I fell in love. The recent winner of the voice, Sam Jordan did a cover of it on the final show and he made it sound like angels were singing the song. Officially, Mary, did you know? is my fav Christmas song. I played it for my colleague and he made me put it on replay for over ten times.

One artist to look out for is Jordan Smith, boy, that guy's got mad talent! His rendition of Sia's Chandelier blew me away. Even O'nelly who is hard to please when it comes to covers of original songs hailed him and admitted he impressed him so much. Listening to Sia’s original version, you can hear the strain and effort when she hits the high notes, but here's a guy who just sang it effortlessly hitting all the high notes without any stress.

There were some really cool tracks I fell in love with over the course of the past year, though not all were released in 2015. Most of them I played over and over for day. I probably would need to download fresh copies cause I must have played the life out of the songs.

That reminds me, do songs have expiry date? Cus some people would be like, 'that song is old na'.

Me, I don't gerrit o, do songs have expiry date? #askingformypeaceofmind

Here’s a list of 50 songs out of the numerous ones I played over and over in 2015 -

1. I'm not ok - Trent Dabbs
2. Chasing cars - Snow Patrol
3. Traveler's song (acoustic version) - Future of Forestry
4. Everglow - Coldplay
5. Mercy Mercy - Hillsong
6. Organs - Of Monsters and men
7. Army of one - Coldplay
8. Withholding nothing – William Mcdowell
9. Love yourself - Justin Bieber
10. Oceans (where my feet my fail) - Hillsong
11. Remedy - Adele
12. One meant to be - 16 Frames
13. This is amazing grace - Phil Wickham
14. Shyer - London Grammar
15. Hello - Adele
16. All I am - Phil Wickham
17. Alive - Sia
18. Comatose - Mikky Ekko
19. Run - Nicole Scherzinger
20. Do we even matter - Loreen
21. Feels like coming home - Jetta
22. The one - Kodaline
23. Running - Naughty boy ft Beyonce &
24. Die with you - Beyonce
25. This love - Taylor Swift
26. Four five seconds - Rihanna ft Kanye West & Paul Mccartney
27. Hard to find by The Nationals
28. Say anything by Ashley Nite
29. Better - Kodaline
30. Promises - The Boxer Rebellion
31. New York - The Boxer Rebellion
32. You could be happy - Snow Patrol
33. All I want - Kodaline
34. Lost - Kris Allen
35. Let it rain - Matt Kearney
36. You belong with me - The Boxer Rebellion
37. Lost - Kodaline
38. Carry me - John Wilson
39. Take your time - Sam Hunt
40. Battle Scars - Guy Sebastian
41. Hymn for the weekend - Coldplay ft Beyonce
42. Burning doves - Mikky Ekko
43. But you won't - David Cook
44. Shatter me - Lindsey Stirling
45. Orente - Adekunle Gold
46. Duro timi - Yemi Alade
47. The one who never comes - Asa
48. Hotline bling - Drake
49. Lost in the world – Kanye West ft Bon Iver
50. Powerful – Jussie Smollett & Alicia Keys

THANKFUL (yet another year)

I have always said I hate the attention that comes with birthdays. I used to see birthdays as just another day, or a day to remind you that you are growing older and getting your shoulders burdened with more responsibilities. What fun could that be really?

My plan was to stay low. I even joked about calling in sick at work today, but after all I experienced over the weekend I have come to realize there's really something to be thankful and celebrated about every birthday.

Mid-day on Friday I began feeling pain and a bit feverish. I knew the familiar symptoms. My immune system was going down slowly.  At first, I was forming it's a thing of the mind, but by Saturday evening I knew for sure it was all about Faith. I took Panadol Friday night just so I don’t take chances, in that I didn’t take any drug.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling better. Did my chores and headed out for Enoma’s wedding. I got to see some old pals I haven’t seen for a while now. All was fine till I got home and the pains started coming back.

This time I didn’t need anyone to advise me to start my dosage. I had two packs of drugs I bought at different intervals this year. The thinking was that the one I bought recently would be better. I took the four tablets and went to bed. I woke up 4am to take the next dose but something prompted me to check the expiring date as I wasn’t feeling any better. That was then I realized I had taken expired drugs!

Luckily the other pack wasn’t expired so I started on it. Sunday morning I was worse off. I told myself I wasn’t going to miss church as we had prayer service I had been looking forward to all week. I managed to drive there thinking from there I’d meet up with my family in town for Harvest at the family church. By 9:30am I left church as I was feeling both feverish and cold and a bit weak. I drove slowly, got home and barely walked in, best to say I staggered into the house.

The way I felt, terrible! I tried walking to my room to get the drugs, I felt light headed, dizzy, and my sight became blurry. I knew I was going to faint. I managed to reach for my bed and collapsed on it. I just lay there practically lifeless. I just lay staring at the ceiling. You know how when you watch movies and you are thinking why can’t they just manage to move a bit before the bad guy gets them right? No power! I could only move in my mind, physically I was comatose.

All I could do was pray silently.

By afternoon I woke up sweating profusely, didn’t know when I yanked off the socks, cardigan, jean trouser and inner shirt I was wearing felt stronger but a lil sore. I got up, ate and drifted back to sleep. I continued drifting in and out of sleep till evening, with each wakening I felt better.

They say our words have power, and I’d be inclined to think my joke of calling in sick almost became a reality but I do know for sure that nothing happens to me without God's permission. It was all His way of showing me the importance of why I need to appreciate my birthday and not just the date but most importantly being in good health also.

I’m writing this from my office desk, in perfect health. I have been so shy all morning from all the birthday wishes from my colleagues, phone calls from friends and sms. I have been quiet since typing, a colleague came by and said “Sayi, you can’t be quiet today o, you are not a quiet person so just start to shake body” lol

Basically, this weekend has been a learning process for me. Sometimes we need to go through stuff to appreciate what God has been doing for us. Those little things we take for granted….

This song, Thank you by the Katinas sums up all I feel –

Just a little while longer I wanna pray
Can't get You off my mind so I came to say
Thank You Lord, just for loving me, alright
Many times I do forget
Every need that You have met
Oh thank You Lord, I know You're showing me

You are there when I am down and out, You're holding me
Your love is so amazing, oh it changed me

Here I am with all I have
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank You, oh thank You
For everything, for who You are
You cover me and touch my heart
I wanna say thank You

I could have died in my sin but You saved me
Didn't have any hope at all
You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on, alright
I should have been the one to pay
But instead You took my place
Amazing grace, it's more than just a song

Even though I don't deserve Your love for me
You look beyond my fault and You showed me mercy

Here I am with all I have
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank You, oh thank You
For everything, for who You are
You cover me and touch my heart
I wanna say thank You

I wanna say thank You for the sun
Lord we thank You for the rain

Oh Lord I love You
Thank You, that's all that I can say
Thank You for the love You gave

Here I am with all I have
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank You, oh thank You
For everything, for who You are
You cover me and touch my heart
I wanna say thank You, thank You
I wanna say thank You, thank You
I wanna say thank You

BROTHERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS (all about my vacation)

#np: Travelers song - Future of Forestry (piano and string version)

My status on Whatsapp virtually throughout the month of September was 'Wake me up when September ends', sampling a song by the band - Greenday. 

The plan was to zone out and float through September. But life as usual, had other plans as I was basically the only one available at work save my boss. Let's be real, the subordinate does all the dirty work not really the boss. I felt the pressure three team members normally face. Worse, the work load was more as the deals we were working on for the second half of the year happened to come to maturity that September. I saw hell!

September finally did end and my whatsapp friends didn't waste time sending me messages asking if I had woken up. I was awake and ready to go on vacation. I needed it. Though it started with me being down with malaria. I had to shake it off and set out for Lagos with one of my best buddies of all time - Valentine.

That was the first time I'd travel with a friend (aside excursion in my schooling days). It was so much better having familiar company around. It had been a long while I traveled by bus. I missed the feeling of being in a moving vehicle for long, watching the vegetation pass by as we rode, listening to music, sleeping and waking up severally. It was just fun and a really enjoyable trip with good company.

#: Feels like coming home - Jetta

As soon as we entered Lagos, I felt like a runaway bride come home. I told Val I could feel all the memories coming back and trust the ever cynical Valentine, he responded saying 'all these emotional people self'. I'm used to him, didn't expect any different.

Seeing the various buildings and bus-stops and one sure thing - spending hours in traffic, was all too familiar. This was the city I ran away from. Lagos isn't for the weak. I took it all in one breathe. Somewhere deep down I missed the city.
I finally got home after many hours stuck in traffic. Once I stepped in, I had this nostalgic feeling. I missed my old apartment! Though my brother had made a few changes but it still felt the same. The memory of misery, stress, pain and loneliness I felt in this damn city all came rushing at me. I stood looking at the apartment for a minute, then I smiled...I was better off now, those days were behind me for good, all now a distant memory.  

#np: Lazy song - Bruno Mars

Friday 9, I woke up feeling lazy. I rolled across the bed saying to myself, how amazing it felt to not have to jump out of bed and get ready for work. This was bliss. After another nap I got up to fix breakfast. Then I stumbled on my new guilty pleasure - Nutella!! 

I was skeptical at first because when I tasted peanut butter back in the days, I hated it. I felt this wouldn't be different but the first drop on my tongue got me hooked. I chatted my bro immediately and informed him his nutella wouldn't last.

I was too lazy tired to go anywhere. I just ate my breakfast in bed and watched movies all day. My in-law, Gideon came around later. I had to fix dinner for him. I opted to cook jollof rice but was too lazy to go out and get tomatoes so I used just tin tomatoes. When I tasted it I felt I had made a major mistake. I chatted my bro that I had cooked error! He was like, huh??

Gideon later confirmed it wasn't bad. Whew! I tasted it and I ended up eating two full plates afterwards. Wonder why my taste buds deceived me at first.

For Saturday, I planned on hanging out with Kike and Valentine. I sent a picture of my Nutella filled breakfast to Iyen (my colleague at work in Benin), she was jealous and warned I would add weight. Well, I'm still battling the weight I gained during last year's leave. I know adding more this vacation was inevitable but I hope it would be moderate. Then again, I have three options if I do add so much weight;

1. - hit the gym

2. - starve myself. Scratch that i'm not medically allowed to feel hunger due to my condition so I'd just do strict dieting.

3. - the easy way out, I'd just accept myself as I see it - a chubby dude! 'I can't come and go and kill myself' lol.

#np: Burning doves - Mikky Ekko 

Saturday 10, was a really exciting day! I went touring with Kike and Valentine. As it turned out, Val was a major part of my vacation. Coincidentally, our schedules just sort of clicked starting from the trip to Lagos. While we waited for Kike to show up, Val and I decided to play some games and I'm proud to announce yours truly trashed him 8 - 2 in whot and 3 - 2 in ludo! 

It was fun, winning the games, though he'll say it was just luck. But who cares? I won and celebrated each win care-freely. The way I'd jump, scream and run around when I won a game (I know how to be a kid at times), then sometimes I'd just laugh while playing and he'll be like what's funny? Memories of my childhood just kept flashing back as we played especially the whot game. The times I used to cheat and play pranks while playing with my siblings then and also my neighbours.

When Kike joined us we headed out. Our first stop was Lekki Conservation Centre. I saw peakcock, monkeys and coloured fishes and a weird but cool looking ludo game constructed on a field for humans to play.

It was a cool tour, I just didn't enjoy the scorching sun and long walk we had to do round the facility. From there we went to the beach where I fake-proposed to Kike by the ocean. Valentine put it up on bbm and that's how the rumour I got engaged spread.
Even Orubor had to chat me up on whatsapp to confirm the news. Of course I had to string him along and oh well, some things just never change. He's still as competitive as ever, dude said I have challenged him, he has to propose to his girlfriend soonest. I gave out a very hearty laughter when I broke the news to him that it wasn't true. Then he was like chei! That's how I would have pushed him into getting engaged.

From the beach we went to the mall, where we had Chinese and also went shopping for my shoe. Couldn't find what I wanted - a cover shoe with a bit of heels, a dude gats add extra height you know? 

I'm still sorting out the hundreds of pictures we snapped and going through the funny short clips we recorded. I think another awesome time of the day was when we had to drive down to Yaba to drop Kike at home. The long drive at night, looking out the window, taking in the atmosphere while watching how light-up Lagos island is at night was such a beautiful sight. Also, the natural breeze was everything. Not every time A/c sometime roll the glass down and enjoy the breeze as the car zooms off. Listening and signing along to familiar songs on the radio made it perfect.

I told Efe about the planned trip to Ibadan from Lagos, he teased me with the movie title - Sisterhood of the traveling pants. The name stuck, that's how I got the title for this post and the accompanying photo album on facebook.

#np: Traffic Light - Daughtry

Monday 12, my tour bus stopped at Abeokuta, the City of rocks where I did my NYSC. It's been 3 years I left that city. The moment I arrived the place though mostly unchanged, the City looked old but yet all so familiar. Save for the new bridges constructed at Ibarra road and then the expansion of Abiola way, most roads were the same. The same economic bustle at Kuto and Panseke. Oke ilewo still remains the financial street. One thing that's no more there is the NYSC secretarial which has been demolished.

I went to the estate at Asero where I lived. So many memories; from the lame Christmas Carol we attended at Obantoko to the day I chased after a tractor to the various mishaps and water/light issues and then the walk down the 'road to hell' with Orubor Benjamin. So many funny and weird experiences during NYSC.

I really appreciate making the trip. It was one very important aspect of my vacation. I needed to go unlock those memories first hand and see that city one more time and maybe get closure because I zoomed off immediately after our passing out ceremony, I never really took the time to absorb the city and sort of say goodbye.

I once tweeted this - 'Saying goodbye is important...closure, it helps'

 #np: Promises - The Boxer Rebellion

Wednesday 13, today was road trip with Valentine to Ibadan, the largest city in West Africa. I'm trying to not write so much details as this post is already lengthy. At this junction let me just say Valentine is an amazing travel companion with a good heart and I love him deep! Well I've always know he's a good guy, I mean from 100level hostel to all the 400level out stations where we lived in same houses. Like Afona said, it's like we were bonding all over again like the FPT year.  

We stopped for food of course, whats a road trip without food? He was worried about being stopped by FRSC officials/policemen because his fire extinguisher was out but the trip was hitch free and fun. We sang along to the old songs as we drove. He got tired of me snapping numerous pictures but I just couldn't stop, had to capture all the moments. When we got to Ibadan we went to University of Ibadan where I saw my old friends - Bams, Idemudia, Vera and Chidi, most of whom I haven't seen in over 4 years. Then I stayed over at my colleague's place (Dimeji). 

Thursday 14, today was game night with Vera, Valentine and Blessing (a fellow U.I masters student I made acquaintance with). I got trashed at bowling by Valentine. He took this as his revenge for the trashing I gave him in ludo and whot games. It was towards the end of the game, the ticket guy told me I had been doing it wrongly, imagine! Towards the end of the game!! 

You know how in movies the superstar kind of throws the bowling ball while crossing his legs stylishly? Yeah, that's what I was doing. 

The balls kept leaving the runaway and entering the sides. *sigh. He corrected me that I had to face the track while throwing the ball and not throw from my side. Oh well...would keep the advise for the next person I bowl with.

The four of us played table soccer game (my favourite) before moving on to the basket ball game. Val said the table soccer was my fav because that's the game I beat everyone, in my defense, I have no idea what he was talking about. :D. Well, it was a lovely outing save for the bowling disgrace. 

#np: Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Friday 16, my rest day sort of. Valentine traveled to Ekiti with his friends for a wedding. I spent the day with my music pal, Ibukun. The plan was to go out and see a movie but we ended up staying indoors all day. I got to see one of the most beautiful thing ever!
You know those wrist bands that glow at night? Well, this time it was little plastic stars that glow at night arranged on the ceiling in a spiral form. During the day it didn't look like much. In the evening I was faced down working on the ipad, a gentle tap on my shoulder and a signal that I look up, Lawd!! 

It was all too amazing, I couldn't take it all at once. I had to look away, and then I looked back at the ceiling...pure magic! The way the stars glowed in the dark room, quiet, peaceful...tranquility... with the slow music playing in the background, perfection! It felt so peaceful as I lay staring, getting lost in it. Those moments you wish would go on forever...

Saturday 17, I finally got the chance to hang out with Dimeji at the mall. I stayed at his place in Ibadan but we saw only at night 'cus of work ish on his side. He followed me to get my aviator glasses and we picked up his significant other later and then had a nice ride around the city. Cool part was when we stopped to buy the ofada rice I had been looking for and previously missed eating in Abeokuta. 

The funny thing about my friendship with Dimeji is, we started out initially on a wrong foot in training school, that was April 2013, I really didn't like him much and I knew he felt same way about me. Anyway along the line, can't remember how it happened but before training school was over we became very close and we still going till now. He's my buddy for life.

    

#np: All good things (Come to and end) - Nelly Furtado

The plan was to get back to Lagos on Sunday then that week I'd see my Lagos friends and do all the catching up...but once again, life has a way of messing up plans. Val came back with not so good news about the car, I got a message from Benin concerning some urgent stuff. That's how the tour came to an end. That was my first time in Ibadan, City of Brown roofs. Some places I remember there are Agboro, Akande, Ring road, Odurin or so...Bodija et all.

Back in Benin, I spent the remaining of the week sorting out the emergency ish. 

I realized two things from the my tour;

1. The frequent movements actually made me lose weight. So much about my worry over gaining extra weight. I got confirmation at Ibadan when Vera asked me where is the weight I have been complaining about, and also when Jonathan asked if I lost weight as I looked slimmer than the recent picture of me he saw on facebook.

2. I didn't feel rested at all. Vacation ought to be an opportunity to get relaxed, refreshed and rested. I was obviously going to resume work and still feeling worn out. I decided the last week before resumption I was going to stay indoors and read books, listen to good music and just relax. 

#np: Feels like the end - Mikky Ekko

Saturday 31, I felt so rested and excited about going back to work. I read three books that last week of October, finished watching season 10 and 11 of Grey's anatomy, I ate a lot and well, slept a lot also and of course, I downloaded new songs and albums.

Looking back at all the various stops I made and old friends I saw, this vacation was indeed memorable and I'm glad it worked out so well even though there was some mishaps with the plan the penultimate week.
I'm glad I had a week to rest, I made sure I exercised as I ate a lot. I feel well rested and also trimmed. I'll be resuming with a bright smile and I don't expect to hear any weight gain talk from anyone. 

Oh did I mention i'm resuming on Tuesday and not Monday?

Hehehe...resuming on a monday would be like leaving a ride in an A/C car for a walk under the scorching sun. Mondays are crazy, it would be a soft landing resuming on a Tuesday.

I can't fit to shout.