MEMOIR: THE JOURNEY

“I found a love for me …”

-          Perfect  (Ed Sheeran)

I have always had this sentiment that no one will can truly, madly and deeply love me in every sense of the word. I mean, to have someone love you so deep, they accept you and all your flaws, choose to ride with you even when you are being unreasonably difficult is quite something. It has got to take more than love and trust, it has to be faith. Faith that one day, they won’t up and disappear, that they’ll make you a priority and actually be there. It’s scary leaving your heart in the hands of someone else to say the least.

Today I’m 6 months in a relationship. For most persons, it’s probably nothing.  But for me, this is a first and it’s really huge and significant, like this is a major milestone in my life!

This has been an interesting journey and most importantly, a learning process for me. I’ve had to unlearn a lot in the past months and also learn to share my life and actually allow someone be there for me. This relationship has helped me grow. The most painful and hardest growth has been learning how to deal and actually communicate. I’m not there yet but I know I’ve made progress.

I’ve grown from being that guy who always said he isn’t a relationship person (I once stated that it’s the beginning of relationships, when the feelings are sprawling everywhere, while it’s still intense I’m about.) to the guy who craves stability and a long term relationship.

Then the major one, I have always run from long distance but the weird thing is, it has turned out to be the best arrangement for me, especially as it favours my moral code.  Yea, it gets hard sometimes but on the long run, it’s helped keep my sanity intact and not make me feel smothered.

I saw this on twitter last year - It’s not easy dating someone who has been single for a long time ‘cus they are so used to their single ways, it’s difficult for them to let others share their space.

After the first four months, it was almost like my entire system began to revolt. Was this really me doing long term? It was foreign to me and my head was trying to sabotage the relationship. I wanted out but my heart was already in it. I tried to convince myself that we had certain issues which were good enough for a breakup but I knew it was all me trying to sabotage the relationship.

I’m that guy who over the years has mastered the act of shutting people out. I’m so good at goodbyes like Sam Smith would say. But this time it’s different. I can’t think of going through life alone. All the times I tried to disappear I found myself running back. So scary being in this situation, but then its feel normal, feels nice and I feel complete. This journey I’m on has got me singing -

“I can’t do this thing called life without you here with me,

‘cause I’m dangerously in love with you

I’ll never leave

Just keep lovin’ me the way I love you loving me”

– Dangerously in love (Beyonce)

No relationship is perfect and it takes work. We’ve probably broken up a hundred times over (well, especially the time I was trying to run) but next day we are settling ish and going back to us. Going the long haul is a conscious decision. Choosing to stay is not about being in love or the way you feel, it’s about making a decision to stay, both parties having the will to make it work.

This journey has been so worthwhile and interesting even with the many talks dealing and trying to strike a balance between our different personalities.

At the fourth month when I freaked out about the whole long term relationship I strayed. I still do not know why I did it but I hate that I did. Sometimes I reminisce, trying to understand why I strayed but no particular reason comes to mind. Was it clarity I was seeking? Trying to know if I truly wanted the relationship? Or was I just being indisciplined?

One thing I took away from it, is the painful realization that just maybe I’m not all that morally grounded as I thought. I’ve set high moral standards for myself and felt I was doing a great job upholding them. It made me feel good about myself, even borderline feeling self-righteous at times. To watch it all crumbling down and then realize that hey, I never truly knew my limits. All I’ve been doing is caging myself, sabotaging relationships, such that I never stayed long enough in one to know what I am capable of.

I was forgiven and we worked through it. But it took me way longer than that to forgive myself. I was torn within. I have this stain on my record that can never be wiped out. Truth is, staying faithful is not all about hurting the feelings of your partner, it has so much more to do with you as an individual. This song by P!nk saw me through my guilt-

”Every bad reason, all my pointless doubts

Where I went wrong

I whispered the ways that I’m ashamed of myself …

I handed you all my fears

My thoughtless decisions turned into thoughtful tears

What have I done for the first time? I blame myself …

But you get my love

If there’s only one thing about me that you can trust

You get my love, baby

Don’t let my mistakes take that away from us”

-          You get my love (P!nk)

Six months…distance ain’t got anything on us. It’s been quite the journey and we are still carrying on, learning and unlearning. It’s not perfect but what’s important is we are better at resolving issues and also getting along.

Being in a long term relationship no longer seems strange to me. I’ve adjusted fine and things look great. Though mostly, I’d say our making it this far wasn’t about me, heck! I swear 70% of the effort wasn’t from me, especially those times I was on flight mode.

Being with someone who wants the relationship to work, who is ready to deal with your demons and not flee when things are rough is priceless.

There was a time we were constantly fighting. It was tiring and endless. I knew we were trying to strike a balance but mehn, it wore me out and I was just there, reasoning if it was all worth it. Was my peace of mind not better that all the madness? Still I couldn’t walk away. Basically it was more like;

“Being with you is so dysfunctional

I really shouldn’t miss you

But I can’t let you go

‘Cause we belong together now

Forever united here somehow

You got a piece of me and honestly

My life would suck without you”

-          My life would suck without you (Kelly Clarkson)

Every relationship is different, finding what works best for you both is key. I saw this on Instagram today morning – ‘Your relationship doesn’t need to make sense to anyone, except you and your partner. It’s a relationship, not a community project.

Sometimes I reflect and get amazed at how far we’ve come. Mostly I’m surprised I’ve stayed this long and I’m still wanting it to go on. What’s that they say again? ‘When you meet someone special, all the opinions you once held about life can suddenly change.’

2017: MUSIC REVIEW

Keeping with tradition, here’s my disclaimer - 

Disclaimer: I’m not a fan of rap. In as much as I love to explore music and try not to confine myself to particular genres/sounds, like my friend Pascal said – art is to be enjoyed, not endured.

Kindly note that the absence of Kendrick Lamar’s widely acclaimed album (DAMN) in this post doesn’t mean I’m saying it’s not a good album. I just don’t do rap. Though I enjoy one or two rap songs, but generally that genre just doesn’t work for me.

2017 saw a lot of albums churned out by big names but then, most were below par. Basically, 2017 in music was the year for the debut albums. These saved the year; new artists with fresh sounds.

Major downside of 2017 was the increasing trend of rock bands crossing over to pop. Pop songs are mostly the chart toppers, but seeing my favourite rock bands sell out crossover was saddening.

Here are my top 10 albums of 2017 starting from number 10:

10.  So good by Zara Larsson

For a guy who isn’t a huge fan of pop genre, having this album on my list is huge. This is a proper Pop album. It’s very different from a typical pop album characterized with shallow lyrics. This one ticks all the boxes of a well-produced and properly written album. Zara is not just some pop artist with assisted vocals over groovy beats, but a true singer who can actually sing with remarkable vocals.

Personal Favourite Track – Funeral

9. Tell me you love me by Demi Lovato

Listening to this album, I could feel Demi Lovato’s musical growth. This album shows she has found her voice and knows exactly just what she is about. The songs on the album flow easily without her characteristic shouting as in her previous albums. She sang like she had nothing to prove, knowing her vocals indeed are great. This is no more the Disney girl we knew, this is Demi Lovato – a woman in charge of her craft.

Personal Favourite Track – Hitchhiker

8. One more light by Linkin Park

This was one of the most controversial albums of the year. So many persons felt betrayed by the surprise switch over to pop by the band. Personally, I felt pained. I mean, if Linkin Park could go pop, then how bleak could the future of Rock music be? 

Critics went hard on this album mostly ‘cus they saw it as a sell-out. Well, for me the album worked and they were one of the few bands that got it right with their experimentation. One more light is a sound pop album with less noise and lyrics that spoke volumes. If only we knew it was indeed a cry for help by Chester, especially the track Heavy.

R.I.P Chester Bennington, your voice helped millions of teens through hard times.

Personal Favourite Track - One more light

7. Feel Something by Jaymes Young

When you hear a sound different from what’s out there…that refreshing feeling that washes over you. I felt that the first time I played this album. The genre is alternative rock/indie pop rock. This was one of the albums I played back to back for weeks. Feel something is his debut album, though he had earlier released an EP. The clarity of his voice over thick drums is something worth listening to. Lyrical content on point also.

Personal Favourite Track – Stone

6. Meaning of Life by Kelly Clarkson

When she announced this album I was skeptical about it for two reason; her last album wasn’t as strong as her earlier works and she said this was the album she always wanted to make. When artists make this statement, most times they come out with a bore e.g – Joanne by Lady Gaga.

Kelly has since drifted from rock genre which she started with. Though it was a steady move not as drastic as most bands these days. If you follow her albums you’ll notice she became less rocky with each album. 

Meaning of life turned out to be so great that even the intro track is excellent stuff! I was blown away honestly. Her vocals were so strong and bold, like she found this confident space within her and just let go. 

The tracks of the album are a mixture of different genres and she nailed every genre effortlessly. Kelly snapped on this album and gave us one of the best vocal albums we’ve heard in a while.

Personal Favourite Track – Move you

5. Safe Haven – Ruth B!

About 5:00am one beautiful day, a friend – Ose, sent me a song - Mixed signals by Ruth B! On first listen, I knew I had to get the full album. Like what!! Who the hell is Ruth B! Her vocals! The way her voice flows effortlessly over minimal instruments helps drive the weight of her lyrics into your senses. I sent the song to Lynda and she replied with ‘I can’t be happy listening to this’. 

That’s just how great her ballads are that they can break you emotionally. The album also has up-tempo tracks as well, giving a balance on the album. What stands out throughout the album is the uniqueness of her sound and her deep lyrical brilliance. Yea, it’s also a debut album from her. 

Personal Favourite Track – If this is love

4.Memories…do not open – The Chainsmokers

This is reminisce of Charli Puth’s 2016 Nine Track Mind album that was heavily panned by critics. The critics didn’t love this one at all. It was the lowest reviewed album of 2017 on Metacritic with a score of 43/100.

Oh well…despite the negative reviews it was commercially successful and boasts of two top charting singles.

Not exactly a standout album yeah, feels very safe and unstretched but the songs are easy to listen to and the entire album makes for a good sing along. Every track on the album is single worthy, unlike most Pop albums that have one or two radio friendly songs with lots of fillers on the album.

Personal Favourite Track – Something just like that (ft Coldplay)

3. Human by Rag and Bone Man 

First track I heard off of the album was Grace. Hearing his baritone voice sent shivers over me and I knew this was one album I needed to have. I ended up playing this album all through first quarter of 2017. 

This is his debut album and he did excellently well with the lyrical content and sound. Personally, this is my breakthrough album of 2017.  Hearing Grace used as soundtrack on Season 13 of Grey’s Anatomy made the series complete.

In the age where EDM and Pop/hip hop has taken over the airwaves, it’s refreshing to hear someone bring a fresh breath to the table. Human is of soul/blues genre. The album reminds one of what real music is.

Personal Favourite Track – Grace

2. American Teen by Khalid

I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned that 2017 was saved by debut albums. This was another proof of that. The uniqueness of Khalid’s sound, the way he sings easily and the almost perfect arrangement of the tracks on the album. 15 tracks and I’m always left wanting more when the album plays out. 

Listening to the album, you can hear his confidence. It is commendable that someone that young on his first album would be true to himself and dare to release a sound outside the corporate pop genre. So young, but on his debut album he knows just what he wants to deliver. 

Listening to the album is like a journey you are taking with him, going easy reminiscing your teenage puppy love years as each feel good track easily flows to the next. Till date, I still play this album back to back. Definitely the best debut album of the year, argue with the 5 Grammy nominations he has (though the Grammys is shit these days anyway).

Personal Favourite Track – Shot down

1. The thrill of it all – Sam Smith

2017 was far gone, some good albums already released but something still felt missing. I wasn’t satisfied and I felt this emptiness, like there was this gap within. I hadn’t found that album to light a spark in me. Then came The thrill of it all and my year was made. Definitely worth the wait. Being playing this album endlessly for three months now and I’m still thrilled with each listen.

When you hear the name Sam Smith, you think falsetto, heart wrenching ballads, back up church choir. What can be heard clearly on this album is Sam’s growth. He’s finally found his footing and confidence. He is not scared of pleasing who ever, but baring his all just as he feels it. 

The message on each song is clear and not open ended like his previous album. It’s so clear who each song is directed to. Good Lord! Have you listened to the track titled Him? So much truth and vulnerability in this album. Sam wears his crown as the king of falsetto and best male vocalist perfectly well on this album.

Personal Favourite Track – Midnight train

Bonus albums that did it for me in 2017

1. Something to tell by Haim

2. Places by Lea Michele

3. Beautiful trauma by P!nk

Disappointments of 2017

1. Freedom child by The Script

2. Witness by Katy Perry

SAYI TAKES THE WEST...

Drumroll….. so I have officially visited all the States in the West ..yay!!

Remember my last travel post where I wrote about not yet visiting Ekiti State? Well that has been done and dusted.

I concentrated on completing my tour of the Western States during my annual leave. The plan was to visit the various tourist locations I haven’t been to before.

I am all for organized trips/tours and the comfort that comes with them, but this time I wanted something different, something a bit intimate with my surroundings, something that’ll stretch me and give a raw experience. I wanted stuff like bike hopping, travelling in shitty cabs/intra state buses, using google map to get directions, asking locals for directions while trying to not get lost, trying out local food and the one I didn’t plan – Hitchhiking. 

I used to think those people that stand on highways, trying to flag down cars to other States where out of their minds, well I guess I lost my mind the evening I returned to Ibadan from Ikogosi. Scary but it was indeed an experience.

Basically I think I wanted the trill of an adventure, which I got and it was worth it. In summary the entire trip was rugged fun, stressful when compared to the pampering I would have enjoyed if I had gone on one of those organised tours, but then the ruggedness was very thrilling.

The perk of private travel is, you are less distracted, you actually take in much from your new environment, more details and there’s that personal experience with nature. No one complaining about this or that, you are freer to do more daring stuff and explore to the highest, have more time to take in the environment and have better pictures without people appearing in the background.

Initially the plan was to try solo travel but along the line, Tunji buzzed me on IG about how my page has inspired him to do local tours. Long story short, we decided to do a joint tour. That was the best decision ‘cus I would have faced serious language barrier. Even the tour guide who took us up the Oke-Ado Mountain couldn’t understand English (pidgin English inclusive). Tunji was indeed a life saver throughout the trip. His fluency in Yoruba really saved us a lot of stress.

Tunji is the guy at the back

The tour of the Western States had me continuing from where I stopped - Osun State (Erin Ijesha Waterfall) and Ondo State (Indare hills).

First stop was Lagos State. Well I’ve been to Lagos severally, lived here before as well, and visited the La Campagne Tropicana beach resort, but I thought I’d still include it. I made my second visit to the Lekki Conservation Centre. I visited here in 2015 but the canopy walk was under maintenance at the time. This time around, I finally did the canopy walk and all I can say is, its best experienced than explained. It was very thrilling, a bit scary when it felt like the bridge was swaying and then, the bridge just kept going higher and higher…

       

         

Second stop was Oyo State. I visited the Oke-Ado Mountain. Tunji did a great job with the navigation on this one. When we got to Iseyin I didn’t know whether I should cry or laugh when we came down from the vehicle, dude was covered in dust. But all that changed for me when he said I looked even worse, oh well…

My body needed the exercise of hiking up over 300 steps to get to the top of the mountain. At the top I saw the amazing Ado-Awaye Suspend lake (Iyake Suspended lake). (There are two of such lakes in the world).

I have read online that the lake never dries up all year round. This turned out to be true. I noticed the smaller lakes had all dried up due to the harmattan and the leaves on the famous tree by the lake had all fallen off, but the lake still lay there in all its glory, looking charming and beautiful. 

Visitors register

Beginning of the 300 plus stairs up the mountain

Elephant tree

During drought the Elders ties a white cloth to the rock to draw rain

Taking it all in...

Views

                     

                     

Exploring the community around the mountain

       

Third stop was Ekit State. I visited the Ikogosi Warm Springs, where there is a flow of cold and warm springs which meet at a confluence.

            

This trip was the most exciting and stressful of all. We got to the park in Ibadan very early that Sunday morning but we didn’t leave till late afternoon because the car didn’t get filled up on time. At a time I thought maybe we should stop somewhere on the road and head back to Ibadan. I told myself there was no going back since we had already started. I kept hoping for the best but then, entering Ekiti proper gave me serious cause for concern or maybe it’s cus it was a Sunday. I mean, even Ado-Ekiti, the State capital looked like a ghost town.

One thing I have come to note from my private trips is that locals are usually friendly and helpful to tourists/visitors. Seeing old structures in the small towns made my trip even the more worthwhile. Small quiet towns where it seemed like everyone knew themselves, old structures, the not so great medical centers, The air around was different but I felt the warmth.

It was the experience I had longed for and even more…the bike ride from Ikogosi to Aramola where we had to flag down a private car travelling to Ibadan was part scary, party exciting. There I was at night, tired, sleepy and covered with dust yet I felt so fulfilled. I really wanted to sleep through the ride but fear didn’t allow me sleep off when I noticed Tunji was asleep, biko one person had to be awake ni.

                        

         

Fourth and final stop was Ogun State where I visited Olumo rock. Okay this one was really an important trip I had to make. It has always bugged me how I served in Abeokuta but yet I never visited Olumo rock. This was me redeeming that wrong. 

We toured the gallery and saw really nice art works and learnt so much about the history of the rock. When you see the painting of how the rock was before Olugbenga Daniel’s administration upgraded the area, you can’t help but give props to the ex-governor. If only this was replicated in all tourist sites across the country and then maintained properly as well.

                                            

The tour guide asked if I was up for the climb and I was like, this? Common this na small thing. I don climb Idanre hills, heck, even Oke-ado Mountains which had just 300 plus steps is way higher than the rock. (You know, as a hiker I had to show off small)

  

  

I’ve conquered the West, I have about two States in the South I haven’t been to, a few more in the East and then many more States in the North…anyone up for adventure? Hit me up, let’s explore together.

Instagram – @iyosayi14

Email – princelyiyo@yahoo.com