It's monday morning. I feel okay, actually a lilltle too okay for comfort. There isn't going to be music this week. In as much as it seems like mission impossible I am hoping to go through with it successfuly. I am curious to know exactly how I will be after a week without depressing rock songs. This couldn't have come at a better moment. Once again a friend or should I say a crush just walked out of my life yesterday. Normally I use depressing rock songs to get over such. Truth is, it's a foolish idea because all I do is hurt the more and get really depressed. I start remembering beautiful moments shared. You know how deep cutting slow rock songs can be.
This is new for me. I feel fine and strong. No pain or hurt yet. I know it's partly due to the no music ish. This time I have decided to take a new approach to the whole getting over my feelings ish. I would be mature about it and also not indulge in any form of rebound what so ever.
This is kind of dark and twisted. I feel like I am channeling energy from my past sour relationships and friendships to get over this one. All I could think about yesterday was all the good friendships gone wrong, how I hurt and struggled to get over them. Somehow I am drawing strength from those past experiences and hurt. It's like I am telling my self if I could survive those, I can survive this especially one very particular past experience that broke me completely. I was crushed and it took me a while before I got back on my feet. So I am here alive and still open to love and beautiful friendships, I am like if I survived that I can survive this. Its so odd, I actually don't feel any hurt now. *Creepy*
In fact, I think I need a break from all emotional entanglenments. Maybe take a month of me time. Sincerely its good for me. I really need this and I coulddn't have wished for a better timing for my crush to have left.
I am in the office now, for those that read my sunday's note you would understand what I am doing. I am staying off every crap that I feed my mind which makes my faith diminish. So far so good. I feel so strong and I have not yet engaged in any filthy converstaion. Too early to celebrate because the third roomie ain't back yet. Wish me all the best of luck. I would come back with situation report at the end of the day...stay cool
Well its about 9:00 pm now and I'm on my bed. I survived today. I was in charge. Funny, my third roomie indeed came with temptaions but thank God I stood for righteousness. It was a good day though work was really boring. It wasn't all that tough being without music for a whole day, maybe it's because it's just the first day. I am really in a good place emotionally, no depression of any sort or hurting though my mind did travel once or twice to memories of the one that got away, especially when I was passed by the infamous billboard that bodly displays a large image of a look alike of you know who and the time I was going through pictures on my phone. Also, when I wrote my previous post I did feel bad for a moment. Apart from those times, once in a while I felt bad a little but the feeling didn't last for long.
Maybe indeed I am in denial or its all escapism becuase I really chatted a lot with old friends I had sort of ignored. Seems I am one of those people that tend to shut other friends out when they fall in love.
Seriously it was indeed wonderful chatting with people I had not dedicated quality time to chatting with ever since I got involved with you know who. It was indeed refreshening having different conversations with good friends. Another trick I discovered that could help one in getting over a break up, quarrel or end of freiendship is never stay idle. After a while I used the free time I have gained to start reading the book 'why you act the way you do', a self help book to help one know his or her temperament and find ways of overcoming his or her weaknesses. Also, I started reading an e-book, a John Grisham novel on my phone.
In all, this is even turning out good for me because time spent chatting all day with you know who can now be channelled into reading books that would help make me a better person and also help me develop my writing skills. Finally I can now finish reading all the John Grisham e-books I have had on my phone for a long time now.
Never stay idle when you just ended things with someone dear to your heart because you would end up depressed thinking about great memories that would sting your heart, stay away from depressing love songs or like in my case rock songs. Also, stay the heck away from romantic books and novels!
In a weird twisted way I feel so empowered, though from tomorrow I think I'll have to cut down on the chatting ish and focus more on reading. I see the truth clearly now, which is I didn't even take my own advice from my note 'chatting away our talents'. I was so caught up in all the warmth and love I found chatting all day with you know who. This is awesome and great! I remember reading this somewhere "a breakup may be the miracle you need". It all makes sense to me now. Or am I getting through all this by writing? Hmm...what matters is I'm fine and I feel good, no rebound, no hurting, no depression, no taking out emotional pains on people, no rock songs, no filthy communications, no feeding my mind crap.
I'm In such a greay place right now and I pray God sustains it, Amen.
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