JINXED?

N.B – This post is majorly about me lamenting/letting stuff out as my head is literally about to explode!

I’m usually not the superstitious guy but damn…I’m fast beginning to think something is up with me. Following my last post where I expressed how overwhelming it began to feel as stuff kept going wrong and I had to keep spending money fixing them, I thought it had stopped and I could breathe again…but alas! not so…

Right now, at this very moment, it doesn’t feel any better. Heck, I am actually scared low key that I have probably been jinxed. I thought it was just April, but after the crap that just happened some hours ago, my mind did a little travel down memory lane and I realized this whole phase actually did start late February when one dude rammed into my car with full speed causing considerable damage to the vehicle.

I remembering not allowing it bother me and abandoning the car for a while. I took it as one of those things, you know, life happens et al. I refused to worry about it or obsess about where I’ll get funds to fix the car. This was me growing up and not allowing shit get to me anymore, but then it’s like life has decided to test my resolve. It’s been one damage after another…the pressure building up, like I’m being pushed till I eventually break.

I have lost count of the number of things I have had to fix in a few months but I sure do I know I have spent quite a lot. Is it the car that initially kept developing faults back to back? Or the time one of the fuse in my apartment blew? affecting the wiring and I end up almost burning my bed when the extension wire caught fire?  Or the day my rechargeable fan suddenly packed up or my electronic television stand that went off, or when the wine cellar fell twice and the parlour was filled with the strong stench of vodka for a week after losing three full bottles, or the television battery that zapped, or the aquarium lights that suddenly refused to light up again…

See ehn, at first I took all this as normal life happenings, part of adulthood where you keep getting those annoying expenses. But then, the rate at which they are happening in quick succession since February has got my head spinning 360 degrees right now. I remember the night I was talking with Okeo and I was like, I’m scared of touching my laptop before that one too would spoil…arrrrrrgh!!

It may seem I’m being dramatic but seriously it’s getting freaky and annoying all at the same time and also quite devastating on my pocket especially now that I have a lot of funds loaned out and it seems my ‘trusted’ friends have all held a meeting to not repay my monies as promised.

I’m going to digress and trash out this thing that has been bugging me for a while now. One thing I have come to realize for real is that one of the major problems of adult friendship is money. I’m almost reaching the resolve that before I lend someone money I would have to weigh what’s more important to me – the friendship or the money?

See it’s not even about the money, it could be 5 naira or it could as well be a million naira, but that breach of trust, the disappointing realization that the person was not worth it, that feeling when someone you trusted enough to loan your hard end funds refuses to pay back or they carry on like they never gave you a committed time frame to pay back or they wait for you to ask first and then they start posting you endlessly. It becomes so annoying, you begin to regret why you even helped them out in the first place.

Some things I can overlook, but being that guy who is very big on trust, this is one fast way to burn the bridge with me. It sucks when money becomes the reason why you can no longer trust a friend and they leave a bitter experience with you that it erodes whatever good memory of friendship you guys once shared.

I work with that principle of not lending out money I know I can’t dash out but then again, I have realised that it doesn’t help change the feeling of being betrayed or prevent me from changing the poor perception I develop about the person. Even when I write off the debt, mostly for my peace of mind, that friendship never remains the same. Once the trust is gone, everything is lost. Integrity is almost everything…

Even if you don’t have the money to repay, courtesy demands the least you can do is inform the person from time to time and apologise for the delay. And most importantly actually show effort and will that you are working towards repaying the loan genuinely. I really don’t get how certain people sleep well at night being awful to people who cared enough to be nice to them. Really sad.

Anyway back to my woes. I stepped out of the house this morning about to go to the office. I opened my car door from the passenger side only to see the window on the driver’s side scattered all over the car seats. How did this happen? No one knows. Even the person operating the mower said he didn’t know as he was far from where the car was parked. That’s the only thing I can figure out as the explanation cus that glass wasn’t cracked. The supposed stone that most have blasted from beneath the fans of the mower is nowhere to be found inside the car or outside it. This just reminds me of last December when we woke up to see the same car's windshield smashed by a bullet. How that happened, no one knows till date.

When I saw the pieces of glass on the seats, my spirit went weak. When would all this end? This is happening barely two weeks after my less than five months phone got damaged without explanation. This is the first time my phone won’t last more than two years. I have tried everything to fix it but because the phone model came out last year, the parts are currently not in the market. I’m still dealing with how to get cash to replace the phone only to incur another shitty expense I am so not ready for!

It’s like I’m currently stuck in my own special Friday the 13^th where everything that could go wrong has been going wrong. Only this Friday 13^th seems to be lasting over several months. I stared at the mess and mehn, I realised I am beyond tired. I’ve practically given up. I just stared and all I could say was thank you God for this, it could have been worse.

What’s next? My laptop? My camera? *sigh

I felt weak and spiritless…this is me saying Jesus take the wheel. God knows I have had enough with the back to back unexpected expenses and I’m confused as to why it’s happening in quick successions. It’s been quite inconveniencing and annoying to say the least. I’m here praying this ends already ‘cus I could use a break.

Feels like I should just pack a few stuff, escape to somewhere safe…somewhere nothing can go wrong and be at peace.

I need to go rest my head now ‘cus I think I have a headache…