After a long day at the office, I got down to my favourite
activity just before sleep comes: scrolling through Twitter to get updates on
what has been going on around the world. I use Twitter mostly as source of News
and an avenue to release all the crazy going on in my head. It’s also been
worthwhile as regards getting music referrals from the awesome music buddies I
have come to know on the app.
Anyway, that day I was spent both physically and mentally, I
needed to rant and get a few things out of my head. I tweeted something about
how I keep hearing nice stories about things happening for others, but such
never happens to me. Like I have to work hard for every damn thing and how I
needed a break from this narrative, even if it was just once.
I deleted that tweet a minute after. I had to tell
myself to shut up, literally.
You see, I let myself get lazy over the years. Even Reward
Davies saw my laziness and left me alone. I can’t fault him tho, my
indecisiveness must have made his head spin.
Looking back, I don’t have any regrets. I mean, on relocating
back to Benin in 2014, I could easily have started a Graduate program at
University of Benin and would have been done with it by now. But nah, I was
damaged from working in Lagos and I needed to take time off to recover. Which I
did, but I let it linger for far too long.
I was hiding under the excuse of ‘I’m not a hustler’. Don’t
get me wrong, I am still strongly of the opinion that ambition is such bullshit
which takes away happiness. I’ll still take contentment over ambition, but
there should be a limit to this. A thin line between contentment and laziness.
Anyway, like they say, it’s never too late to make a change.
No use regretting wasted time. I have already stated in my first blog post of
the year that in 2019, I am going to put myself in inconveniencing situations.
Those exams I have been avoiding, I would take them and I will prepare meticulously
for them.
Why did I delete my tweet? Because I knew for real, luck is
what happens when preparation meets opportunity. I am not naïve to ignore the
fact that some persons, really do have it all planned out for them, but that’s
just a few of the world’s richest population. Most of us need to actually put
in some level of work.
I mean, even those friends I was referring to, the ones doing
Masters abroad, or those that have left for other establishments all made a
move. Even Dr. Uyi who is also a believer in the ambition is bullshit movement,
I know the sacrifices he made to move to NY to practice medicine. I knew I was
being irresponsible, wanting those nice things to happen to me as well without
putting in the work.
I know I’m very good at ranting or should I say lamenting?
but to a large extent I will say I have been intentional in not losing the
essence of what life is about. My mind would always go back to 2016 when I had
a paradigm shift. It hit me I was just existing. I was there wishing on a star
for a better life. Constantly complaining about work stress and how it was
consuming me, till I woke up and knew I had to be intentional about creating my
own happiness.
“There comes a point
where you have to suck it up, and stop whining and start living” _ Callie
Torres (Greys Anatomy)
If I have been able to get it right as per my pursuit of
happiness, why then am I finding it difficult to change the status quo as
regards my career path?
January till date, I have been feeling stuck. Feeling like I am
in a place where I no longer belong. I have had same job function for Five
years plus now. God knows I desire a new path. As Makua aptly put it after reading
my lamentation on Instagram, he asked “Do you like your job or you just want to
experience another type of freedom?”
Here’s an excerpt from my post on Instagram –
‘My entire being
currently feels stuck in a place I don’t feel I belong to. I’m still having the
urge to tear it all up, burn it to the ground and start my life afresh. Cause
chaos and for once know what it’s like to live with uncertainty.’
This change I strongly desire would not come from wishful
thinking. I saw this tweet recently and it spoke volumes to me –
“If you want a better life, you have to be willing to pay the
‘true cost’ of a better life. Leaving behind old friends, bad habits, unhealthy
ways, saving money, making new connections, e.t.c” – @Nappyb0yy
The cost I have to pay to change my narrative if I am serious
about a new life path/journey is giving up my convenience. No more lazying
about, I have rested and I have healed from the scars of working in Lagos. I am
taking this post as me making a commitment to actually get up and do something
proactive to change things.
Even if I don’t succeed, or things do not work out as wished
for, I will be at peace knowing I did put in effort. That I made an attempt and
I worked towards not just one, but two paths I am interested in pursuing.
For now I am a bit confused as to which I truly desire but
nothing’s lost. I will chase all nevertheless and when it comes to the bridge
of deciding which to go for, I will cross it.
Peep this lyrics from my current favourite song -
“You got to get up
You got to get up and make a move
‘Cause the world will never see you until you do
No, they don’t really care what you’re going through
So you got to show them, baby
…
‘Cause everybody’s got their own damn problem
So everybody’s trying to find their way
And day by day is the struggle
In this world you know you have to hustle
Just know that you are not alone
You don’t always have to be strong all by yourself
I said, it’s okay to ask for help”
-
Like
you by Tatiana Manaois
“I don’t know how some
people can just accept what life gives them and be okay with that. I don’t care
if I have to struggle and go through the pain as long as it’s building the life
I see fit for myself, I’ll take it.” – Luis Garcia
It’s really quite simple though, if you dream about a certain
life, you gotta work towards making it a reality. Enough with the day dreaming
and get to work! This post is mostly for me, first as a commitment and also to
serve as a reminder I can fall back to just incase I derail and lose focus.
Also, I want to believe this can also help someone make a stand to kick
laziness to the curb and actively work towards that life envisaged.
I sincerely hope that a year from now, I’ll read this piece
and I’ll smile with pride because it would all be worth it.
“Be intentional, you
can’t afford to continuously let life happen to you. Figure out what you want
and all the small steps required for you to get there.” - @glory_osei
